That's the problem when you're dealing with me...

Had a good time at Penang.

One last trip before heading back to university and classes.

Saw two decapitated bodies on the way back, bits of shoulder here and an arm there but no head, and leaned on a railing splattered with blood and bits of flesh. (Accident) A lorry smashed headfirst into a bus. The newspapers barely covered it, but I suppose this is routine and normal for most people unless you see it with your own eyes.

Stuck on the highway, complete standstill from 2am to 4am. Everyone was dead cranky, I walked from where our car was all the way to the front to see why we weren't moving. Then everyone was so sexist to me I had to stay and watch.

But I wasn't squeamish, and I wasn't trying to prove anything either I genuinely wanted to see. I felt quite detached so I had nothing to say. =/

La Roux and Skrillex. Pure brilliance.

“Every time you see a flood like that on the news you tell yourself:
That’s it. That’s my heart.”
-Haruki Murukami

PS: I walked into an art exhibition in Penang and I was scandalized. Maybe I don't understand abstract art, maybe I'm not deep enough to but it was so stupid. I deserve my own art exhibition too. Abstract artists can be such phonies.

Numbnut.

You are boring me to death and I am already dead. You are boring me back to death.

If anything this month of holidays have taught me, it's that I'm confident now that I am able to make a living out of what I'm doing. It's stressful and hectic but not all completely stupid and aimless- like everyone constantly tries to drill into my mind.

It's not easy but no job is easy and I'd rather run around going to different places, doing different things everyday than go to the same office and do the same boring job everyday.

I complain about hours in hair and makeup but imagine hours in a cubicle.

I'd rather die. =X

Merry Marry@ Midvalley [All taken from Mun Hoo]

Senior models Michelle, Kelly and Kit

Dramatic evening wear.



My opening show gown



For someone so cynical I wear a lot of bridal gowns...

Tectonik is freaky-dicky and not for everyone but I love it. So tacky.

"Forget your personal tragedy. We are all bitched from the start and you especially have to be hurt like hell before you can write seriously."
-Ernest Hemingway
(I have strayed but I have come back to my Hemingway phase)

PS: I keep thinking I should keep my newspaper/magazine clippings. Because at the end of the day I have nothing to put into my portfolio. Only I've lost so many and I can't be bothered to start. =/

Hectic. But you knew that already.

I knew the cleansing oil I bought during the weekend was going to be a good investment.

I've been working non-stop the past week. Show after show after show. In one of the shows I was a tacky 90's bride, bright blue eye shadow, diamante falsies, garish blusher and even the beehive updo. It was so collaboratively bad my scalp started rejecting the fake hair, itching like fuck and I couldn't touch it.I was sitting on the stage (We had our makeup done on stage) jiggling my foot impatiently the whole time like "Omg, get this over with already."

Also won Stylista for the Jaspal Fashionista thing. I was standing there like meh. We'll see whether I get anything. And okay, I won Stylista, so I get like RM500 worth of clothes from Jaspal and RM1000 in cash. Which is... alright I guess...

And straight after that I had to rush home so I could wake up at 5am for the show the next day. I could barely keep my eyes open and I looked liable of breaking anyone that dared to utter "Good morning." Kept my earphones in and stoned through hair and makeup. (I really can't go through another hair and makeup session.)

So many photos.

Snips@ Timesquare

Me and Tracy in hair and makeup.

Stupid Tracy got to be a butterfly. I was so envious. Haha.



This is what I was, whatever I was.



I love getting outfits with trains. You can do some really dramatic stuff with trains- all the swishing and throwing them out towards the camera.



Backstage with Waf at Jaspal



Waf, me and Jasmine



What we were doing before the curtains were raised. Haha.

Alessi's Ark- Because it's been a tired week.

"I feel lonely
My friends don’t seem to know me
Like i thought they did."

PS: Whole lot more photos. Be patient. Lol.

Vladimir Nabokov

I've finished reading Lolita.

Yes. I re-used the image. Sue me.

Summed up its about a professor called Humburt Humburt (Don't raise your eyebrows)who is a pedophile and fell in love with his landlady's daughter and marries his landlady under the pretext of getting closer to her daughter. But in a turn of events she dies and he kidnaps the daughter and has his way with her (She's twelve) but eventually she leaves him for another middle aged man and in the end everybody dies. Tragic.

It's alright, the only legitimate hype is the fact that its a controversial book- only I'm went through it veerryyy slooooowwwlyy. It was good the first half where it was this passionate, forbidden, dull-aching longing for Dolly, then the other half is so sappy I'd read two pages before passing out completely. And anyway la plupart sont en francais, so people who don't understand French wouldn't understand it completely or adequately enough.

Even I'm stoning trying to fill in the blanks half the time, I understand the meaning of the words but I don't understand the context. Je n'arrivais pas a voir ce que ca voulait dire. Not adequately translated. And he spends half the time mocking the Americans for their lousy French.

I think I find reading up on historical figures and authors more interesting than fiction. I've been researching through a whole rally of inspiring women that brought about change, Josephine Baker, Nellie Bly, Queen Victoria. I don't know when I turned into a history buff but I did.

I have been a good girl. I've not picked at my futsal scab at all.

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
- Dr. Seuss
I love this man, it's not love, it's mutual weirdness.

PS: Jaspal Finals tomorrow only I haven't told anyone. Not even my parents. I don't want people to pay to see me not win. It's not really worth anyone's time.

Portrait d'une femme

Where there is no bright side.

I've been waking up abruptly at 6am.

Does not change, it's always 6am sharp. Then I'm bombarded with mild anxiety attacks. *mon chien est mort And I lie awake until the sun rises a little then I go back to sleep.

Only then, sleep deprived, I get the weirdest creepiest dreams. Deep dreams that seem to last forever, in one I spent days with my maid that had no face, in another my cousin was standing in my hall, upon seeing her I knew it was a dream and started screaming for someone to wake me up. Only she started chasing me and I had to turn on her and break her legs.

Then I wake up again and it's only 10 minutes past 7am. =/

Everyone needs a little Metric.

"Je sais que tu n'aimes pas ta réalité,
Tu sais que tu n'aimes pas ta réalité."
- Metric, Poster of a girl

PS: I feel like progress is stagnant but time keeps moving and I'm so dissatisfied with everything yet I don't know what I'll be satisfied with.

I never knew I was a techno fan

Spontaneous Friday night.

Have not stepped into a club for almost 6 months. One night I'm on Twitter completely restless from staying home all day, next thing I'm driving out to Bangsar for a night out- lets not pretend I don't club or drink.

All taken by Phillers

Jun got me hooked.

"Don't you know I'd chop a limb off,
Just to have a good time."
- The Wombats, totally digging the lyrics too.

PS: I still haven't finished Lolita. It's too sappy, I can't force myself through it. It's like watching "A Walk to Remember" for the twentieth time. Puke.

Darlin' it ain't easy

There was a boy.

Who killed himself because a girl accused him of touching her. And nobody believed him, so he got very frustrated and upset, then he jumped off a building.

The end.

And the whole world thinks what he did was stupid. And the whole world thinks that was very childish. But it takes a lot of balls you know?

I'm just generally attracted to people who have enough guts to give the world the finger, especially something as poetic as splattering your guts all over the sidewalk to make a point. Like "Don't believe me? Let me show you what I can do."

The Sound of Arrows - And when I'm alone at shows where I'm not working with people I know I humm dun di dun dunnn and the makeup artist goes "Look up and stop moving your head." but I want to die because I cannot sit still for so long, acting so formal, being so polite, crossing and uncrossing my legs at the right time, look up, now look down, now blink, is the eyelash scratching your eyes? And it is and it feels like crap, the pointy bits of plastic scratching your eyeballs, against your eyeballs.