Parallel Synchronized Randomness

Indulgence.

2012-02-16T08:19:00.000-08:00

My 1Malaysia book voucher haul.

I think I was on a high.
It pisses me off when everyone goes "Can spend on stationary you know?!"
So what? The books are supposed to be the main point of it.
The checkout guy was very nice, he knew all the books I asked about.
I wanted to be his friend but it would be creepy to ask.
I've never had Neil Gaimam but my ex-boyfriend was very into him,
and he wrote "Stardust" so he's worth checking out.
And Dahl, I've read all his children's books but he has a lovely collection of humourous books for adults.
Bliss. :)

PS: Counting the days down till uni starts again so I can be around Natasha and Michelle who are the only two people I know of that actually read. =/

I feel so close to you right now...

2012-02-16T07:43:00.000-08:00

Last night is still reverberating through me.

I wasn't sure whether I wanted to go to Calvin Harris, as I hate crowds so when Michelle asked whether I wanted tickets on Monday I said "no". Then I went on Facebook and made the mistake of playing "Feel So Close" and decided I had to go whether I liked it or not.

Thanks to Natasha, I got on guestlist. But it was so crowded we didn't even see each other the whole night. Spent the night bouncing around, high on music and slathered with sweat from at least ten different people. Ew.

When I was lining up to get in, this guy in front of me rubbed his palms together "Wow. Young, just how I like them." reminding me just how dodgy these kinda crowds can get. :S

I got hooked onto this song when I was in New Zealand. For some odd reason all the campsites in NZ play good electro music.

"Your love pours down on me, surrounds me like a waterfall.
And there's no stopping us right now,
I feel so close to you right now."
- Feel So Close, Calvin Harris

PS: I forgot that my mom told me our house was rented out for a TV shoot today and came down in my PJ's with makeup and cigarette hair from Calvin Harris the night before right into a film set. #win

An Instagram Update

2012-01-31T09:15:00.001-08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. I've been trying to blog for the longest time, I'd sit down and write and write and write but it'll always end up too personal for public viewing, so I'd backtrack and save the post as a draft but never publish it.

Allow me to make up with an assortment of instagram photos. I bought the new iPhone but not without a heavy heart, I am however very pleased with the camera and the countless amusing apps so I'm going to cheat with an instagram update. :)

Freddy Mercury and my Ukulele, from a shoot I was helping Werners and Suki with in the park.

A lovely antique store we stumbled upon in Penang

Natters and me fooling around in my pageant stuff during a sleepover.

Slippers from Vincci

Red lips for a night out with the gang.

Julian and Michelle by the pool. I thought they looked very happy together so I snapped this shot.

Werners trying to recreate an ANTM shoot for me.

My Bailey at 2 weeks when she could fit in my palm.

River Island Wallet I ordered off Asos because it was too pretty to resist.

My "Chanel" top I got from Sungei Wang for RM10

On the dance floor with the boys.

From the night we got too tipsy and sat in front of the speakers to appreciate the bass.

My great-grandfather, I think he looks exactly like my dad.

Wafa and me during a fitting for a show.

Creative bridal makeup show I did where I had to walk around with lighted candles on my head.

After the Mickey Mouse MIFW show with the best people on the planet. We even got goodie bags with a soft toy each and I got a Dumbo plush toy. :)

Spruced up for Collin's farewell dinner.

Gwen, Me, Manda and Wafa all dressed up for this MIFW after-party thing. You can see the spot on my bag where I put it too close to a fire at this BBQ. This is why I can't have nice things.

My alarm clock. :)

Bailey at one month- a baby seal.

Face painted white for a Cruella de Vil inspired look, was in hair and makeup for five hours.

My family of guitars together. :) My classical which is sadly broken, my accoustic which I bought from Vivian, my electric which was my 13th birthday gift and my ukulele which I bought the last holiday break when I was bored.

Meringues from this bakery in Fahrenheit that I am addicted to. Whenever I have shows in the Golden Triangle area I HAVE to run off to grab one of these. Even the man behind the counter knows me and goes "Two meringues? As usual?"

With Darren who was my partner for this show I did for Storm London back in December.

Me and Jojo with our rockstar hair courtesy of A Cut Above. (And my previous phone cover which I am missing dearly.)

The watch I got from Storm London for doing their show. I fell in love with the turqoise after the show and it matched my bracelets beautifully so I chose it.

A Batik show I did where all the girls had to don element themed masquerade masks. I was wood and there were fire, water, metal, earth, wind etc.

An unfinished sketch I did when I was very bored, which led to my next project...

Me and Phillers upside down in our skeleton makeup after being shot by Nicholas Chin. (Who's photos I promise to follow up with.)

With James who is our model booker in ACA right before I had to leave for Australia, drove out at 10pm to see him because we couldn't bear to be apart. :P

Me, James and Manda

My brother's lovely house in Kangaroo's Point, Brisbane. It was so pretty I felt so sad to leave it, even though I only lived there about 2 weeks in total.

With Ashley, Becca and Simi in Bondi Beach, it's so beautiful it almost looks like a fake backdrop doesn't it?

At the Sydney Harbor with Luke, Josh and Sebastian who kindly hosted me, even though by proxy :)

Kent, Jun and Nick in their boxers in the parking lot of Midvalley before a pajama themed 21st birthday party we were invited to.

With the girls for Joanna's 21st birthday where Nicholas set up a lovely photobooth for plenty of photo ops like this. :)

Behind the scenes of a fashion spread and interview I did for this magazine, which is due in February.

The clothes were sponsored by F Block and the shoes by Princess Shoes of course. I always have the good fortune of wearing this particular design, I think its a luck thing, good things happen in those shoes.

Just me lying down in my parents room.

Jun, Sean and me at Putrajaya Challenge park where we climb. My arms are twigs but I have no fear of heights, only falling, which leads to peculiar cases where I climb too high and is afraid to let go to be let down least I fall. =/

During my 5th birthday party where I got a barbie doll house as a birthday present, I still have that sort of smile.

With my cousin and my elder brother, you can see how I'm very desperate to be one of them. Haha.

Before going out to Casey's 21st birthday party.

Passing by Ipoh on our way to Penang for Chinese New Year

My 4th Grandaunts house in Penang. I've only been once before and I snapped a shot quickly before any of my family members got into the frame.

Me in my black qi pao (Mom didn't approve) in my 4th grandaunts house.

The ice cream man drove into the house compound when he saw all the children out swinging in the hot sun.

I don't fancy fireworks but I like these, they're very satisfying to throw.

My grandmums house which double's up as a temple for the place where she lives. She's the third generation to run the temple which sadly I don't think will be passed on to my generation.

My 2nd aunts home in Kampung Selamat, I liked how small and neat it looked from the outside.

The woodshop out back where I vaguely remember playing in with my cousins. Further back there were rambutan trees which my granddad had to go pluck for me whenever I came.

A record player with a stack of antique records. Eerie how time seems to have stood still in all my aunts houses in Penang. All sorts of relics from the 70s.

From the day me and Joanna coincidently went out with matching owl chains.

Me, Jasmine, Irene and Michelle testing out the 3D glasses in my house during a bai nin session.

With the Uni mates after a brutal session on the Xbox Kinect.

My grandfather as a young man. :)

Now I hope that was long enough, because I just spent the night dancing my socks off with the gang on the Kinect and I have a huge casting tomorrow. More photos from Sydney and New Zealand soon if I can manage.

Urban Dictionary

2012-01-05T05:37:00.000-08:00

7.	Sheena	7 up, 8 down
	A parasite. Example; Sheena Is A Parasite, The Horrors. Sheena's ambition sneers at your routine, and behind that glass she sits, cold. If Sheena was buried no one would care, she hates everyone she knows (no one). Sheena is a parasite, Sheena is a parasite, send her back across the sea.

Don't shoot me Santa

2011-12-24T17:16:00.000-08:00

One of the better Christmas songs. Naturally, it's by the killers.

So I lost my phone.

On Christmas day too. And I'm thinking what a waste of money.

I'd rather spend my money on a pair of nice Mink Pink shades or something.

FML.

Merry Christmas y'all. Hope you're having a better one than me.

PS: Also I'm back in Brisbane, flying off to Sydney in a few days.

Kia Ora

2011-12-19T23:18:00.005-08:00

Am blogging from the campervan in this campervan park.

New Zealand has been miserably cold so far, the temperature is slightly on the cold side but when the wind blows, it blows with a vengeance and it wants to RIP YOUR FACE OFF.

Also, because it's a campervan, we've a teensy problem when it comes to amenities. Sure, you can enjoy the convenience of having your own toilet but if you use it, you clean it. And I'm afraid if I touch the sewage tank, my body will reject my own hands. So I've spent many nights toughing out the cold winds to get to the outhouse to sit on the freezing loo.

However, the cold also makes the meals ten times better which explains my daily cycle of eating and sleeping with a side of hiking, lots of hiking. (All I want to do is play with the sheep.)

And if we don't visit the Shire I'm going to throw a tantrum. Toodles.

Me and Smelly experiencing cabin fever.

“The power of human thought grows exponentially with the number of minds that share that thought.”

- The Lost Symbol, Dan Brown

Nicking it from my brother whenever I have the chance as I have no books.

PS: I have been missing out on some awesome jobs and I'm torn between coming home early or going on in Sydney.

The Sleeping Father

2011-12-08T09:39:00.001-08:00

iPhone + Book

Excerpts from previously mentioned book of terrific wit.

Only it wasn't only wit, throw in sarcasm, brilliant dialogue, quirkiness, angst and this dashing ability to make you laugh. Love it when I come across gems like these, got it at the Big Bad Wolf sale when I was all huffy from not being able to find any Hemingway, Murukami or Stephen King. Dug this baby up and bought it for RM8.

It's about this dysfunctional family who's father goes into a coma, has a stroke and how his family is dealing with it. Maybe I'm just drawn to books of this nature because it draws parallel to my current family situation- with my granddad and all...

Sometimes I wish I knew more friends who read, I'm writing and writing at the same time thinking "Nobody gives half-an-ass. Shut up already."

Folded pages

"He was still in his half-conscious youth. Sometimes he saw more than he was able to feel; sometimes he felt more than he was able to see; sometimes neither. During the course of any several minutes he could think of something important, forget it, think of it again, forget it again, his memory a short-circuited strobe light in the dark discotheque of his consciousness."
- Pg13

"So it was with Chris and Frank, who beginning at twelve had put themselves on a rigorous schedule of beer; following that, whiskey; then codeine, then nitrous from whipped cream spray cans, then port, then speed, then Valium, then coke, then crack then acid. After a thorough empirical survey of each, plus the briefest of dalliances with heroin, they lost interest in all. Following this, a vague and formless period of anxiety corresponding with the year they were sixteen, and culminating in the capitalist impulse."
- Pg 20

"If this doesn't help, maybe you should kill yourself."
- Yardley, Pg 28

"The visual stimulus of his son set off a series of systemic reactions within Bernie. When either of his children's bodies entered his perceptual field, Bernie's own body made subtle cardiovascular, autonomic, gastrointestinal, neurological, respiratory, and endocrine accommodations which, taken together, constituted the feelings a layman would call love."
- Pg 30

"Was that the ultimate expression of love? Chris hoped not. In fact, he hoped that a lot of what went by in the name of love in this world was not what love was."
- Pg 33

"She recognized in him the triviality and meanness of a lost soul, and it troubled her that this meanness could penetrate her heart again and again."
- Pg 39
"This was a most unsatisfactory result for Chris. This woman wouldn't even pay him the respect of being offended by his impudent remark. Walking so lightly in the world was a source of intense frustration for Chris. If having a father in a coma wasn't going to bestow upon him at least a little of the gravitas he craved, what the hell good was it?"
- Pg 55

"Boyfriend was a word that compensated in oppressive-ness for what it lacked in charm."
- Pg 71

"He wanted to say somehing to hurt Cathy, but because he admired and respected all the weird regimented systems he imagined she had invented to make her life the orderly-looking thing that it was, and because he maybe even started to love her a little bit sometime within the last fifteen seconds, he wouldn't allow his mind to formulate an insult."
- Pg 124

"She felt devastated and she felt fine. She was getting used to feeling devastated and fine at once."
- Pg 237

"Let me just tell you something important about human behavior.Most of the time, people aren't doing or saying things for a reason, so this type of question won't get you very far in life."
-Pg 268

Part of my current playlist.

"But I can't move the mountains for you..."
-Mumford and Sons

PS: Flying off to Australia tomorrow. A lifetime chasing the sun.

Bloody hell.

2011-12-05T06:24:00.000-08:00

Pardon the gore and if you're squeamish at the sight of blood, I'm pleased.

I've been drowning in my own blood for the past 48 hours so you'll understand my mild resentment.

Extracted a tooth because it got fractured. I have a high tolerance for this sort of pain (In fact in mild doses it can be quite satisfying) and I was on anesthesia the whole time so the most I felt was this mild irksome pressure in my head.

But it hasn't stopped bleeding and I now have a newly developed abhorrence for the taste of blood. Ripped a stitch yesterday but I refused to drink my own blood so I was dripping blood onto my lap the whole drive home.

Lovely.

Always shocks me when I come out so girly-looking in photos. In my head, I am a man- all big, burly and butch.

I was following the pack,
All swallowed in their coats,
With scarves of red tied 'round their throats,
To keep their little heads,
From fallin' in the snow."
- Fleet Foxes, White Winter Hymnal
My Christmas soundtrack

PS: Excerpts from this terrifically witty book coming up. However I've lost count of promises to blog that I've broken, only no one reads my blog anymore so it's only me I'm fooling really...

Frazzled.

2011-11-30T09:27:00.000-08:00

Had a horrible day.

Sighs of relief that I'll have some alone time tomorrow. I really don't want to be around people at this point, I've been around people too much lately. It's left me frazzled and drained and I can barely pull myself together anymore.

For some idiotic reason I decided to take the train to work today. Getting off the train and my slipper falls onto the track, and it was my favorite pair too. Tears welling up in my eyes I change into my heels knowing I'd have to walk miles to get to the monorail station, but thankfully this guy came over and helped me fish it out.

Then at the monorail station I left my wallet on the counter and left. Wasn't till I was at the platform that I realized it was gone, ran back to the counter and thankfully the guy kept it for me. However I missed the train.

Reached my workplace late and got yelled at. Ten minutes late is equivalent to making child pornography in my field. Had my pay cut. I don't even know how much and I don't want to ask.

I wouldn't mind if I didn't wake up tomorrow.

Photos from MIFW

All the models for the Tribute to Mickey Mouse show

Group B - Andy Bandy

Jenn, Me, Katherine and Tracy

I'm in love with the sunglasses.

With James who is the best booker in the world and Liang whom I always forget is this big. =S

Runway shots!

“Frankly, I was horrified by life,

at what a man had to do simply in order to eat, sleep, and keep himself clothed.

So I stayed in bed and drank. When you drank the world was still out there,

but for the moment it didn’t have you by the throat.”

- Charles Bukowski, because I'm simply attracted to authors- you must be a pretty fascinating person and live a pretty fascinating life to write stories.

PS: Booked to leave for Australia on the 14th. Till then, I'll be working, working, working.

Andy Bandy

2011-11-28T04:39:00.000-08:00

I always get these light scratches on my wrists.

I don't know whether its from the bracelets I wear [?] because round beads are capable of tearing skin [?] but they leave these thin long scabs I have to stop myself from peeling. I imagine the wound tearing open and blood gushing out. But I've always been morbid like that.

Andy Bandy X Mickey X Mifa

From Saturday's show, I'm the last and finale model. Was shocked when I found out he was an 88' baby. I love how Andy is so young yet so brilliant, his designs are so edgy and out there. Too many designers try too hard to be edgy, Andy is flawless.

PS: Backstage photos will follow. Working till Thursday, patience my babies.

To call a spade, a spade.

2011-11-21T09:59:00.000-08:00

I've been missing out on jobs for being too skinny.

It's frustrating for me. I don't mean to be skinny, but I'm just technically not a big girl. My frame is just smaller than the other girls, most models are skinny but they've got big frames to carry dresses. I don't have that.

I was at this casting and this lady was quite snide, "You're very small aren't you?", "I really don't think you can fit any of our dresses." Then I tried on all the dresses and they looked like curtains on me. ._.

My mom gets quite pissed because she thinks I'm doing it on purpose, but anyone who really knows me will know how violent I get with food. The boys can't even look at me when I'm eating because I eat like a man.

Weight issues aside, I've been getting good news. Perhaps the best news I've gotten in a long time and I'm pretty excited. It's not confirmed yet and I don't want to jinx it. I have my fingers crossed.

Some small show at Fahrenheit on Saturday. Was tempted to buy the shorts, bad joojoo working with gorgous clothes.

"What is it about childhood that nver lets you go,
even when you're so wrecked it's hard to believe you were ever a child?"
-Mitch Albom, For one more day

PS: Fell into Mitch Albom's trap. I picked it up because it was an easy read, started this morning. Almost finished it now, only it's late and I don't want to end the day depressed. But everyone reads Mitch Albom so at least it'll fuel conversation for a bit; everytime I meet an aid book reader we'll never have read the same books so I feel like I miss out on the opportunity for a good book discussion. =/

Draw Your Swords

2011-11-14T08:36:00.001-08:00

I think I've established from the start that life wasn't ever going to be easy.

I just wasn't one of those people born to naturally succeed in things, that no matter what I threw myself into it was going to be a struggle and it was going to be hard. Still, I try my best to keep my chin up and not be overwhelmed by everything.

I've been so busy (And uninspired) with assignments. I just can't wait for the semester to be over, I need a change of pace. Badly. I want to be working again and the rest of the month seems to be jam packed and busy, just the way I like it.

I shouldn't be procrastinating by blogging but I feel I may go mad if I don't write anytime soon.

I've stacks of books I'm itching to read but I can't touch, least I get attached and there are not enough hours a day to work, do assignments, attend classes, read books, sleep and eat.

Walking MIFA on the 26th! Stoked!

"I do my very best to please everybody, far more than they'd ever guess. I try to laugh it all off, because I don't want to let them see my trouble."

-Anne Frank

PS: Lousy appetite all day, but now I'm hungry and thinking of all the food I left back on the plate. =/

Thanks Star 360!

2011-10-30T20:28:00.000-07:00

New Sneakers!

Thanks Star 360 for the RAD Onitsuka Tigers and Aasics! Was so happy in the store, even had enough leftover to get everyone something! Had enough leftover to get Suzuki a pair of sneakers and Azhar and WeiWen shirts each.

Next up will be an update on my lovely loot from Princess! :D

L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N

2011-10-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

They hit me like waves these feelings of total hopelessness and frustration at everything and everyone.

It's mostly self-induced by my need to over-think every situation. I'd like to think I can't be responsible for every pain and suffering in the world but then someone has to do something about it sometimes. We're all very good at "raising awareness" but where's the solution?

Mostly I'm angry at myself for not being able to stand up and solve everything myself. Everything and everyone is so subjective, everything is shady and everyone's a phony and every deed you do even with good intentions can turn out for the worst.

In a nutshell, there seems to be no cure and no definite person to blame for everything that goes wrong.

Stardust.

“Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded.
And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand.
It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust.
You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded, because the elements - the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution and for life - weren’t created at the beginning of time.
They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way for them to get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode.
So, forget Jesus. The stars died so that you could be here today.”
- Lawrence Krauss, American Theoretical Physicist

Because what is an argument about God without pulling in some pretentious references to metaphysics?

Parasitic.

2011-10-17T06:52:00.000-07:00

Completely home alone.

Parents are busy living it up in Europe leaving me at home neglected. I pretty much have no qualms with being alone, I come home whenever I want, I do my chores- feed the dog, fishes, water the plants routinely. Except for food, I hate cleaning up so I don't cook and I can't eat alone so I don't eat. HAHAHAHA. (Way to fuel anorexic rumors!)

I can't hang out with people who are constantly dieting because they don't eat and I get pissed off when people don't eat with me, or when they have dietary restrictions and all I want is fried chicken. I'm pretty violent and passionate (violently passionate) about food. The only exciting part about going to college is planning where to eat after. =/

Been working since Friday, had a bad experience on Sunday. Hairdressers pinned a really heavy head piece to my head that ripped my hair out at the roots, was tearing the whole time and kept telling them it was hurting me and got scolded for not being professional in return.

I'm sorry. I know we're models and we're hired to be coat hangers but it doesn't mean we don't have feelings. I really don't mean to whine and if it was just heavy I wouldn't mind but it felt like my scalp was being ripped out, I thought I was going to go crazy.

Even today my head is throbbing. I think I'm putting off the hair shows for a while.

Friday's outfit. Love Princess Shoes. Can you believe they're a local brand?

Cropped lace shirt- Forever 21

Palazzo pants- Jaspal

Earrings- From Sabrina

Shoes- Princess Shoes

PS: I seem to be incapable of making any genuine human interaction lately. I mostly want to be left alone.

As tall as lions...

2011-10-11T10:05:00.001-07:00

Highlight of the night:

Running maniacally back to the car with WW in the dark whilst clutching my bag, iPad and iPhone with imaginary robbers at our feet.

Gwen always get exasperated when I pull them faces.

My week is separated into two parts: Mon-Fri are Uni days and Thurs - Sun are working days. Assignments are catching up as the end of the semester draws to an end but I've managed to regain some sense of control of my workload.

I'm doing this fabulous show on Sunday, it's this competition and the makeup artists all get assigned a country and the makeup, hair and costume has to go with that theme. My makeup artist got Saudi Arabia, Gwen got Egypt and Amanda got Scotland. I've haven't seen their costumes but I've seen India, Bali, Thailand, China and Iban- all really over-the-top and Victoria Secret-ish.

Time's like these I wish I could be the one designing, I'd do a great job with the costumes.

Me and the ACA girls for some runway show at One World last Sunday.

“I do my very best to please everybody, far more than they’d ever guess. I try to laugh it all off, because I don’t want to let them see my trouble."
- Anne Frank

PS: I really don't appreciate when people come in to my room and clean up my stuff. Don't. Touch. My. Stuff. Seriously, I feel so completely disorientated now.

Amaze International Model Search 2011

2011-10-02T10:52:00.001-07:00

It's a very weird feeling, winning.

Almost foreign, I'm so used to getting 2nd place, but it came as a decent surprise. I was just very touched that my friends bothered to show up at all, it seems every time I make them come for my competitions, they cheer their hearts out only to see me come in second place.

So yeah, I did it for you guys. :)

Most. Awesome. People. In. The. World.

All the winners.

Soo, 1st runner up, me and Kenzo who is the male winner and Gwen, 2nd runner up.

My dress by Gilbert Ng, I knew I would get the orange one the moment the dresses arrived for fitting. I always get orange because I'm tanned. :P

Winning was messy, I kept wanting to go talk to my friends. But everyone kept talking to me, kept taking pictures, I had to record stuff for media, thank everybody, I panicked when they said I was going to be interviewed, my only extra clothes was my denim shorts and T-shirt and I felt so bad for my friends who were just sitting in the rain waiting for me to go over.

Then when I got back they packed up the tent that we were changing in and my stuff was all over the place. I couldn't find my flip-flops and I lost my favorite waist belt. It cost only RM20 but it was a good belt.

My parents showed up but I only managed to take one photo with them. :(

But yeah, I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart- my mentors from the start, Benjamin Toong, Kit Leu, Amber Chia. The Amber Chia Academy Team that feels like my 2nd family, James, Shan and Swing. Wafa, Gwen and Amanda who are like my sisters. All the contestants from the competition, the most awesome two weeks spent with them. All the sponsors and designers who made us look fantastic, Kimarie, Gilbert, DC Comic Apparel, Princess Shoes, Sense and Style. The organizers Amaze Events, Patrick, Tina and Jaclyn. All the photographers, all my friends and parents. I'd be rambling for years...

Suki was a dear and helped me record the evening gown catwalk, I'm the third girl- orange dress.

“I dream. Sometimes I think that's the only right thing to do.”
-Sputnik Sweetheart, I'm in a Murakami phase now.

PS: You can read one of the interviews here. But don't ask me why the grammar came out so badly, I'd like to think I was speaking normally.

Cenosis Show

2011-09-26T09:26:00.000-07:00

It's been hectic.

And that's the same excuse over and over but it's true. I've been involved in this competition called Amaze International and they've stuff lined up for us EVERYDAY, charity events, classes, gym sessions, dinners, fittings, shoots and shows.

It's fun of course, there are 22 finalists- 11 boys, 11 girls and we're like a big family, but the competition is not the only thing on my plate. I have classes, assignments, my own castings, fittings and jobs on top of the stuff I have to do for them.

I've been doing my readings during hair and makeup and rushing assignments every free second I have.

Cenosis Launch@ Timesquare

Apparel from DC comic, shoes from Converse

Dress from Mod House

Me and Steph for Karine Foo Couture

Another Karine Foo shot.

Saturday we did the Cenosis show, backstage was a hurricane. I arrived at 10am, did rehearsals, did my fittings, went into makeup, ran to Converse to get my sponsored shoes, did my hair at Kimarie, then did the show. Ran off the catwalk after the finale, straight into my jeans and tank, and rushed to a casting I was almost two hours late for.

Thank god they were nice and didn't yell at us. (There were almost ten models from the show doing the casting) I've been verbally abused for just being 20 minutes late, it's not very fun.

Finale is on the 1st of October at Publika, Dutamas. After that I'll be able to breath...

Chanel- Because you don't skimp on what goes on your face.

"I have the choice of being constantly active and happy

or introspectively passive and sad.

Or I could go mad ricocheting in between."

-Sylvia Path

PS: Tomorrow's my first day in a week plus that I don't have to do any events, I NEED to attend my classes.

Tremble Little Lion Man...

2011-09-14T09:17:00.000-07:00

Too much rejection for one day.

But I refuse to curl up into a ball of dejection. I'm sorry, but my job started the minute I showed up for fitting. You confirmed me for a show, I walked out halfway during paintball with my friends to go to your fitting, I drove from Shah Alam to KL when I live in Kajang. I rejected other designers on that day for you, even though I didn't know your budget, because it was simply ethical and the professional thing to do.

I cancelled on being a model in Eason Chan's show to do a small makeup show before, because I agreed to do the make up show first, its simply the ETHICAL thing to do.

Then two days before the show you cancel on me? You don't get away that easy. I walked out on other opportunities for you because I prioritized you, now I'm left with nothing because you didn't prioritize me.

And the sad thing is I can't be rude to you because I don't want to gain a bad reputation. Think you're pretty and tall? There are MILLIONS other pretty tall girls who are DYING to be models and the designers KNOW IT.

I take my job seriously sir, please take yours seriously too.

PS: I'm so mad, now I'm not walking MASIF at all right now. -.-

Eshu Koorak

2011-09-08T13:02:00.000-07:00

I can never sleep early on Thursday nights.

Missing dog, if found please return to owner.

It's like my body recognizes that it's almost the end of the weekend anyway so why give too much of a fuck? (I'm very vulgar at wee hours in the morning.) (And... perhaps, every other hour of the day as well.) Only I have classes at 8am on Fridays and I can never wake up; I've collaboratively missed about 5 classes so far but there's only been one recorded absence so I'm fine with that.

I've come to terms that hospitals have the same exact effect on me as airports, you think you're fine, you walk in like "Yeah, I'm gunna visitttt youuu!" then you see the person lying there like they're going to go any moment and you end up crying behind the curtain like some loser.

I had this horrifying revelation earlier that I might never achieve anything to make my parents proud. I don't know, my dad harbors dreams of me ending up a writer but I'm no Shakespeare, just incredibly vulgar and narcissistic enough to maintain a blog for my rants.

My mom is the one in the hospital btw, and I'm sorry for topic hopping like I'm on steroids. (And also for using abbreviations) But I visited her like, "I really don't think I'll ever achieve anything substantial in life, sorry kthxbai." and was being incredibly self-indulgent and self-pitying while the girl in the next bed was my age and was suffering from colon cancer.

Even when visiting my mom in the hospital I have nothing to share but my recent failures.

I don't seem to be doing anything right these days.

Even upsetting people who are already upset and bedridden. :{

:{ :{ :{ :{ :{ :{

Brittle. Bitter.

2011-09-06T10:44:00.000-07:00

It's appalling to see what women's magazines publish sometimes. The other day I came across this tidbit: "The average woman is a size 16, most women want to be a size 2, however man's ideal size for women is a size 12."

So er. We should not fight for what we want and instead succumb to mens ideals? Why don't I lick your feet and lie down by the doorstep and let you wipe your shoes on me while I'm at it?

Maybe the message is not that extreme, but it still alludes the same thing, that the globalized idealistic standard of beauty should be determined by what men want. Why don't you just be happy whomever you are? Who cares if men like women with curves, who cares if men prefer their sandwich baloney, bread, cheese then vegetables, MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN SANDWICH!

We do too much in the pursuit of appealing to men. And also, I'm in a foul mood so let me rant.

*I can't attend classes and let him waste my time any more. I get suicidal tendencies.

On a slightly more frivolous note:
Monday's outfit. I love my new ASOS bag.

"The only thing that could spoil a day was people.
People were always the limiters of happiness except for the very few that were as good as spring itself."
-Ernest Hemingway, if I were him I'd put a fullstop before "except".

PS: I've been getting bitten by mosquitoes a lot lately. Which is odd as I was never prone to getting mosquito bites. =/

Wolf and I

2011-09-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

So we're entering that point of college where it's all work and no play.

Only for me it's really all work and no play as I'm cramming everything into my last few months so I have to finish all my assignments a month ahead of time. I really hope this is worth it, I'm quite terrified how much I'm laying on the line for this.

I keep thinking that I'm just setting myself up for a major disappointment. Let's just say you have NO IDEA how bad I take failure. I'm completely incapable of looking back at my achievements, all I can ever think about is the next step and if I even slow down for awhile I get very frustrated and upset. I have this need to feel that I'm constantly moving forward, improving myself, else I don't know what to do with myself.

If this falls through the roof, I might really die this time.

I'm sorry if I'm being too ambiguous, I don't like talking about the things I want, at least until I've gotten them, then it's safe. Oh lord, I work so hard, please let me have what I want.

More Keith Kee runway photos:

Because Andy takes the best runway photos... :)

For some reason there are hardly any photos of my second and finale dress...

Soo Wincci, who can REALLY sing. I had no idea how good until that day.

When we were sitting on the floor watching the show from the TV they had backstage.

Someone has to do a GOOD dubstep remix of this. I don't know why it hasn't happened yet.

"Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living"
-Jonathan Safran Foer

PS: I have to get back to my books. Somewhere along the line I've developed a nasty short attention span and now I can't read books without finding them unbearably boring- unless they're the angsty, depressing, homicidal/suicidal kind.

Falling from the things we should have learned...

2011-08-23T09:22:00.000-07:00

So Ken left me for capitalist America.

And yes I have bangs now...

And now I'm really all by my lonesome. It was pretty sad the last time we hung out, I was supposed to have lunch with him but my casting got delayed like mad and he went home already. But it was going to be the last last last time I ever got to see him so I jammed all the way over to Kepong intrude on dinner with his family.

We just stayed in his room all day and watched stupid videos on Youtube, laughed non-stop, vained and talked about everything, things I forgot to tell everyone else.

I couldn't send him off at the airport because I would've died. My heart would've literally stopped. I can't stand airports, I always think I'm fine, I always think I won't cry then I end up hysterical and everyone mocks me for years after. Its not that funny. Every time I show someone I care they turn around and bite me in the ass.

Had their album for some time but it took awhile to completely absorb it, now I'm in love.

"And I can tell how time can bend your ideas..."

-Angus and Julia Stone

PS: Penang tomorrow. Haven't packed.

DIY Maxi Skirt

2011-08-15T02:20:00.000-07:00

Taken by Jun

Because I've been meaning to post this for a long long time. Haha.

Made this in the middle of the holidays when I was super bored. Saw the exact skirt in mermaid green in MNG, only it cost RM359 and it wasn't even long enough to cover my ankles. I don't like ankle length skirts, plus I like wearing heels with maxi skirts only they need to be long enough to partially cover my heels yet not too long that I'd trip on them.

So the obvious solution was to make it myself. I bought two meters of fabric in this lovely cobalt blue color from Kamdar and started snipping away. I got someone to the materials for me because my sewing machine can't do it but I did the cutting and the sewing together myself. Combined, it probably took me 2 and a half hours or less to finish it.

In comparison:

MNG Skirt = RM359

2 meters of fabric = RM18
Zipper, hook and thread = RM3.8
Hemming = RM1.5
In total DIY Skirt= RM 23.3

Total saved = RM335.7

Like a baws! :{

Because it reminds me of Blondie's Heart of Glass.

"They heard me singing and they told me to stop,
Quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock,
These days, my life, I feel it has no purpose,
But late at night the feelings swim to the surface."
- Arcade Fire, Sprawl ii

PS: I don't know what happened to me. First half of the year I could count on one hand the number of times I bought clothes, now I just keep spending. =/

Backstage at Keith Kee's 10th Anniversary

2011-08-08T09:25:00.000-07:00

Still contemplating whether or not to bother showing up for class tomorrow.

I have a show at Great Eastern Mall at 4pm and class at 3pm. I keep trying to find out the venue of 10am's class but the timetable is so screwy I don't like looking at it. It's only been a week but I'm so uninterested in the subjects, I feel so restless in classes, all I do is daydream about where we're going to go for lunch and what I'd order.

On the other hand, the weekends was great. I won best catwalk in some makeup competition I was hired to model for (Don't ask me why models get prizes too, I wasn't complaining for sho!) also was so blessed to be part of Keith Kee's 10th Anniversary Gala on Sunday, 50 foot long runway with 45 other models. I was sitting backstage surrounded by racks and racks of gorgeous gowns thinking "I must be the luckiest girl alive."

With Waf :)

Me, Waf and Gwen

Liang :)

With the X Top Model girls.

In my opening show dress with Kelly

Because I am a camwhore :P While waiting for my dad to pick me up from the gas station at 12am at night.

Keith Kee Fashion Show Stage Setup from ckcandid on Vimeo.

"The bruises go away, and so does how you hate, and so does the feeling that everything you receive from life is something you have earned."
- Everything is Illuminated, currently reading

PS: Runway photos another time, but the runway looks amazing. :)

Mamihlapinatapai

2011-08-04T10:48:00.000-07:00

I can't attempt to string words together anymore.

I do want to write, but every time I do it comes out in uncontrollable torrents that I eventually keep to myself. I think it's due to the books I've been reading, it's very emotionally draining to read books (Ernest Hemingway finally!) and my usual spunky self is reduced to a silent figure in the corner in deep thought.

Class started, two months ago I was looking at the calender thinking "August will NEVER come!" before I even had time to breath June and July just whooshed passed and I'm left attempting to adapt to the early mornings I'm required to be up and alert.

X Top Model Finale

All stolen from various photographers on Facebook.

Just photo's from the event, because I like my dress very much. I'm rarely given the chance to dress up yet not feel like a sore thumb sticking out.

The runway was bloody cool, right smack in the middle of the ice skating rink in pyramid and we all sat on chairs on the ice. Only halfway the ice started melting and my toes were shivering like mad, but I got to skid on the ice like a 5 year old when the show was done which made up for putting up with the cold. :D

Foster the People- Pumped up kicks

"I have this strange feeling that I'm not myself anymore. It's hard to put into words, but I guess it's like I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling."
- Sputnik Sweetheart

PS: Will be walking in Keith Kee's 10th Anniversary Grand Gala show at Renaissance Hotel on Sunday. I feel so lucky. :)

That's the problem when you're dealing with me...

2011-07-29T02:22:00.000-07:00

Had a good time at Penang.

One last trip before heading back to university and classes.

Saw two decapitated bodies on the way back, bits of shoulder here and an arm there but no head, and leaned on a railing splattered with blood and bits of flesh. (Accident) A lorry smashed headfirst into a bus. The newspapers barely covered it, but I suppose this is routine and normal for most people unless you see it with your own eyes.

Stuck on the highway, complete standstill from 2am to 4am. Everyone was dead cranky, I walked from where our car was all the way to the front to see why we weren't moving. Then everyone was so sexist to me I had to stay and watch.

But I wasn't squeamish, and I wasn't trying to prove anything either I genuinely wanted to see. I felt quite detached so I had nothing to say. =/

La Roux and Skrillex. Pure brilliance.

“Every time you see a flood like that on the news you tell yourself:
That’s it. That’s my heart.”
-Haruki Murukami

PS: I walked into an art exhibition in Penang and I was scandalized. Maybe I don't understand abstract art, maybe I'm not deep enough to but it was so stupid. I deserve my own art exhibition too. Abstract artists can be such phonies.

Numbnut.

2011-07-20T10:46:00.000-07:00

You are boring me to death and I am already dead. You are boring me back to death.

If anything this month of holidays have taught me, it's that I'm confident now that I am able to make a living out of what I'm doing. It's stressful and hectic but not all completely stupid and aimless- like everyone constantly tries to drill into my mind.

It's not easy but no job is easy and I'd rather run around going to different places, doing different things everyday than go to the same office and do the same boring job everyday.

I complain about hours in hair and makeup but imagine hours in a cubicle.

I'd rather die. =X

Merry Marry@ Midvalley [All taken from Mun Hoo]

Senior models Michelle, Kelly and Kit

Dramatic evening wear.

My opening show gown

For someone so cynical I wear a lot of bridal gowns...

Tectonik is freaky-dicky and not for everyone but I love it. So tacky.

"Forget your personal tragedy. We are all bitched from the start and you especially have to be hurt like hell before you can write seriously."
-Ernest Hemingway
(I have strayed but I have come back to my Hemingway phase)

PS: I keep thinking I should keep my newspaper/magazine clippings. Because at the end of the day I have nothing to put into my portfolio. Only I've lost so many and I can't be bothered to start. =/

Hectic. But you knew that already.

2011-07-18T07:31:00.000-07:00

I knew the cleansing oil I bought during the weekend was going to be a good investment.

I've been working non-stop the past week. Show after show after show. In one of the shows I was a tacky 90's bride, bright blue eye shadow, diamante falsies, garish blusher and even the beehive updo. It was so collaboratively bad my scalp started rejecting the fake hair, itching like fuck and I couldn't touch it.I was sitting on the stage (We had our makeup done on stage) jiggling my foot impatiently the whole time like "Omg, get this over with already."

Also won Stylista for the Jaspal Fashionista thing. I was standing there like meh. We'll see whether I get anything. And okay, I won Stylista, so I get like RM500 worth of clothes from Jaspal and RM1000 in cash. Which is... alright I guess...

And straight after that I had to rush home so I could wake up at 5am for the show the next day. I could barely keep my eyes open and I looked liable of breaking anyone that dared to utter "Good morning." Kept my earphones in and stoned through hair and makeup. (I really can't go through another hair and makeup session.)

So many photos.

Snips@ Timesquare

Me and Tracy in hair and makeup.

Stupid Tracy got to be a butterfly. I was so envious. Haha.

This is what I was, whatever I was.

I love getting outfits with trains. You can do some really dramatic stuff with trains- all the swishing and throwing them out towards the camera.

Backstage with Waf at Jaspal

Waf, me and Jasmine

What we were doing before the curtains were raised. Haha.

Alessi's Ark- Because it's been a tired week.

"I feel lonely
My friends don’t seem to know me
Like i thought they did."

PS: Whole lot more photos. Be patient. Lol.

Vladimir Nabokov

2011-07-14T23:10:00.000-07:00

I've finished reading Lolita.

Yes. I re-used the image. Sue me.

Summed up its about a professor called Humburt Humburt (Don't raise your eyebrows)who is a pedophile and fell in love with his landlady's daughter and marries his landlady under the pretext of getting closer to her daughter. But in a turn of events she dies and he kidnaps the daughter and has his way with her (She's twelve) but eventually she leaves him for another middle aged man and in the end everybody dies. Tragic.

It's alright, the only legitimate hype is the fact that its a controversial book- only I'm went through it veerryyy slooooowwwlyy. It was good the first half where it was this passionate, forbidden, dull-aching longing for Dolly, then the other half is so sappy I'd read two pages before passing out completely. And anyway la plupart sont en francais, so people who don't understand French wouldn't understand it completely or adequately enough.

Even I'm stoning trying to fill in the blanks half the time, I understand the meaning of the words but I don't understand the context. Je n'arrivais pas a voir ce que ca voulait dire. Not adequately translated. And he spends half the time mocking the Americans for their lousy French.

I think I find reading up on historical figures and authors more interesting than fiction. I've been researching through a whole rally of inspiring women that brought about change, Josephine Baker, Nellie Bly, Queen Victoria. I don't know when I turned into a history buff but I did.

I have been a good girl. I've not picked at my futsal scab at all.

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
- Dr. Seuss
I love this man, it's not love, it's mutual weirdness.

PS: Jaspal Finals tomorrow only I haven't told anyone. Not even my parents. I don't want people to pay to see me not win. It's not really worth anyone's time.

Portrait d'une femme

2011-07-12T10:30:00.000-07:00

Where there is no bright side.

I've been waking up abruptly at 6am.

Does not change, it's always 6am sharp. Then I'm bombarded with mild anxiety attacks. *mon chien est mort And I lie awake until the sun rises a little then I go back to sleep.

Only then, sleep deprived, I get the weirdest creepiest dreams. Deep dreams that seem to last forever, in one I spent days with my maid that had no face, in another my cousin was standing in my hall, upon seeing her I knew it was a dream and started screaming for someone to wake me up. Only she started chasing me and I had to turn on her and break her legs.

Then I wake up again and it's only 10 minutes past 7am. =/

Everyone needs a little Metric.

"Je sais que tu n'aimes pas ta réalité,
Tu sais que tu n'aimes pas ta réalité."
- Metric, Poster of a girl

PS: I feel like progress is stagnant but time keeps moving and I'm so dissatisfied with everything yet I don't know what I'll be satisfied with.

I never knew I was a techno fan

2011-07-05T09:38:00.000-07:00

Spontaneous Friday night.

Have not stepped into a club for almost 6 months. One night I'm on Twitter completely restless from staying home all day, next thing I'm driving out to Bangsar for a night out- lets not pretend I don't club or drink.

All taken by Phillers

Jun got me hooked.

"Don't you know I'd chop a limb off,
Just to have a good time."
- The Wombats, totally digging the lyrics too.

PS: I still haven't finished Lolita. It's too sappy, I can't force myself through it. It's like watching "A Walk to Remember" for the twentieth time. Puke.

Darlin' it ain't easy

2011-07-04T01:28:00.000-07:00

There was a boy.

Who killed himself because a girl accused him of touching her. And nobody believed him, so he got very frustrated and upset, then he jumped off a building.

The end.

And the whole world thinks what he did was stupid. And the whole world thinks that was very childish. But it takes a lot of balls you know?

I'm just generally attracted to people who have enough guts to give the world the finger, especially something as poetic as splattering your guts all over the sidewalk to make a point. Like "Don't believe me? Let me show you what I can do."

The Sound of Arrows - And when I'm alone at shows where I'm not working with people I know I humm dun di dun dunnn and the makeup artist goes "Look up and stop moving your head." but I want to die because I cannot sit still for so long, acting so formal, being so polite, crossing and uncrossing my legs at the right time, look up, now look down, now blink, is the eyelash scratching your eyes? And it is and it feels like crap, the pointy bits of plastic scratching your eyeballs, against your eyeballs.

July please be kind

2011-06-29T11:36:00.001-07:00

There's a crooked lamppost.

It's on the way home and no matter how lost in thought I am or how engrossed I am in something, whenever I drive by it I have premonitions of it falling down and crushing me. It hits me like a flashback, pretty badass way to go too. I digress.

Look ma! I'm in the papers! Only photo of the show that day, pity because the hair and makeup was really nice. =/

I hate how my schedule is going. June was so dry, barely got any jobs, had two shows scheduled for the end of this June but had them rescheduled to July and July... July is frickin' packed. 1st, 4th, 5th, 9th, 14th, 15th, 16th, 25th, 27th, 28th. Plenty more, definitely plenty more only I haven't bothered to write it down.

After awhile I forget who is who hiring me and how much I'm supposed to get and from who. Then I get a big paycheck and I don't really care anyway. =/ I used to jot it all down in my notebook but my bag is giving me back problems and I'm so sick of lugging everything around. Upturn my bag and you'd find:

1. Spare slippers in a zip case
2. Scarf
3. Earphones/thumb drive/charger in a baggie
4. Phone
5. Camera
6. Spare tank (For them surprise castings)
7. First aid baggie
8. Aforementioned notebook
9. Makeup bag
10. Wet wipes (For the cyber cafe's)
11. Wallet 12. Sunnies
13. "Lolita" the novel
14. iPad

Probably adds up to 3-4kgs. I try to forgo most of it but sometimes you never know what comes up. I keep my working bag in the back of the car, all my shoes and tubes and other necessities to run off at a moment's notice.

Lord knows I hate doing this.

Like this page, then like this photo and this photo.

Told myself I wouldn't get into a voting competition after Mirrors but here I am. In the same position all over again. Help spare me a vote? There are two pictures and you have to like both of them.

PS: Grand finale is on the 15th, big runway, fancy swanky event at the Concorde ballroom that you need tickets to get in too. I don't care much for the votes, only I really don't fancy having the least votes. :{

Waldeinsamkeit

2011-06-24T22:25:00.000-07:00

[Edit: Took the captions out because my OCD tendencies don't allow it]

I've been spending too much time at home.

Its getting me restless. I walk around sitting in various rooms, I stopped watching the TV ages ago. Best I can do is get barefoot and lie on the flat roof in the evenings soaking up the sun, I've even lost all motivation to run.

Running around the garden with a camera

Was trying to snap a photo of a humming bird, its there among the leaves. You've just got to squint a lil bit.

Semester 3 is over and done with and it's terrifying sometimes how everything is moving so fast and I've yet to set a direction in which I'm going. Like a person leaping off the 11th floor and only having 4 seconds to decide whether to land on the pavement or the road.

I've been actively sending out the resumes, taking steps in which I believe will benefit me in the long run whether I like it or not. Here's the thing about not having parents who control your life (Even if they try to and you act irregardless. =X) you don't get to blame anything on anyone but yourself.

I've been waiting on phone call after phone call, getting letdown after letdown. Its not funny anymore. They say to be resilient but resilience only takes you so far where you actually have to achieve something eventually. Right?

People keep asking me whether I'm waiting on a phone call from a boy, and you'd think it was judging from the way I act around phones lately. I've no time for boys but even I wish it was a boy I was waiting on, because its very easy to get back at an individual for making you wait but how do you unleash revenge on a corporation for crushing your aspirations? (I kid.) I'm serious.

Currently reading; think its supposed to be poetic but it just comes off as overly sappy for me. Not to mention the fact he's boinking a twelve year old. =/

“My heart was a hysterical unreliable organ.”
- Humbert Humbert of aforementioned novel

PS: Its very nice to watch your holiday plans crumble before you into a frenzy of mamak sessions and sitting on walls chucking beer cans at each other.

Roadtrip

2011-06-18T09:52:00.000-07:00

Just some photos from a trip we had down to JB for a runway show.

There were six of us altogether me, Reiko, Cherry, Gwen, Manda and Tracy. They had a van with a driver to bring us down, slept for the good first part of it, spent the rest telling ghost stories and boyfriend stories. Good times, earphones in, The Fratellis, Crystal Castle and Darwin Deez on full blast, the junk food, the company.

Because models need their damn sunglasses...

New Paul Frank earphones from dad. :)

Sans makeup. I look barely twelve sans makeup, if I wasn't so tall I'd get away with a lot of things. =/

The semester is over marking the start of many boring days. I haven't been booking many shows either, its not a very busy period for me. I've been paying off my sleep debt big time. From 2am to 12noon then 3pm till 8pm. That's 15/24 hours a day spent sleeping.

The rest of the time I'm moping about the house, playing all sorts of emo nonsense on the piano, trying to sew a skirt I can't afford from MNG- which is turning out pretty nicely though, or writing nonsense. I've made about 15 half-assed attempts at blogging so far. Everytime I write something I backtrack and delete it, its all become very self-indulgent. I wouldn't have mind earlier but I've suddenly developed a distaste for self-indulgent people. (So says the hypocrite writing a blog.)

I wanted to write a book post about The Lovely Bones, which I have read and enjoyed way better than the movie. The movie made me uncomfortable, the book- emotionally draining. All three nights I sat up reading the book I cried myself to sleep. I'm not a crying myself to sleep kind of person either but the book is very thought evoking. You're sitting there wondering "What if those are my parents?" and the tears just kick in. I wish I haven't returned the book to Natasha just yet.

Ze dog before haircut. Brought her to the groomers and the groomer went: "WHY HELLO THAR ANGEL!"
"No. Not Angel." -.-

"What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it."
-J.D Salinger, Catcher in the Rye

PS: There ya go, a full fledged post of nonsense.

Plastic Bag

2011-06-14T21:44:00.000-07:00

My final assignment!

You should know the turmoil happening behind the production of it all. I was all over the place, took one week and a half to get all my shots and the other few days for editing. But I've had a lot of help, which I am endlessly grateful for.

I really didn't want to narrate it myself, but it was in the rules. Owell.

PS: Both soundtracks are by Raised by Swans, Unrequited and Violet Light.

Pretentious Hipster

2011-06-02T05:40:00.000-07:00

Freedom is so near I can almost taste it.

I actually blogged yesterday, clicked publish, had second thoughts about what I had to say and deleted the post. Retaliating is so not classy, you live your wannabe-gossip-girl life if you want to. I'm perfectly fine where I am. Don't take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.

Ber-Maclabbing it.

Spider Rig!

I've been reaching home at 2am consistently for the past week, I feel damn guilty whenever the guard has to come down and open the gates for me. I've been at the library till late, then editing my vids somewhere when they eventually kick me out. I think I'm happy with my film, not because its good but its the first time I've received a lot of help with it. :) I've had the boys helping out with camera equipment, voice overs and editing. I'll have it all wrapped up by Friday.

Meanwhile. Enjoy.

Darwin Deez- Radar Detector

"You and I go shopping and find exactly what we're looking for"

PS: Can't wait to head down to JB this weekend for a runway show with the girls. I need to get away.

Shlimazl

2011-05-31T20:43:00.000-07:00

I just realized I don't have to go to college today.

I dressed up for nothing. And also, I most probably overdosed on Arcoxia, that'll teach me never to talk on the phone while taking medication. Googled Arcoxia overdose and this is what came up.

OVERDOSE

If the patient takes too much Arcoxia (overdose) immediately doctor or Poisons Centre should be consulted or the patient should go to the emergency department at the nearest hospital, The patient should do this even if there are no signs of discomfort or poisoning.

Yahoo Answers is also very comforting.

Uh huh. Yup.

My parents have been gone the whole week and my diet has been reduced to cup noodles and chips.

When I'm at home I can't be bothered to care for myself, its up to my friends whether they want to feed me or watch me starve. Haha. I actually live healthier if I'm not at home, I have 6 square meals a day if I'm at college till the AM.

That said I haven't gone to class in a while now since I've decided to forgo classes to finish assignments. They've been piling up like mad, I have 5 due next week and here I am stoning, everything is so hectic, I think I'm going to throw up.

Photo's from Keith Kee@Saujana Subang

Finale gown duet with Liang

Evening dress

With Gwen and Waf in bridesmaid dresses, all short and very ballerina-esque.

Private Keith Kee show for 8TV a while back, very New York Fashion Week-ish. No stage, very few people, lots of cameras. (Yet no proper photos.) Insanely rushed, came from class into hair and makeup, the moment the show was done, I grabbed my bag, grabbed Gwen and rushed into my car to run to the second casting in KL.

Bailey very pleased with herself having successfully tackled me to the ground.

"Sharp as a marble these stones keep my feet on the ground,
All this experience weighs me down."

- Babarossa, Stones

PS: Wrapping up the rest of my shoot later, can't wait to move from filming to the editing room.

Tatemae and Honne

2011-05-22T04:06:00.000-07:00

I have this insatiable need to feel like I'm moving forward all the time.

I need to feel like everything I do is productive for my future in some sense. I hate feeling static, it frustrates me, then I get depressed and I'm limited to ranting, but writing makes me feel so helpless.

Its been a flurry of wedding gowns lately, it seems that there's bridal conventions everywhere. All this consumerism revolving around love, there are no happy endings for two people in love. (Woohoo Ernest Hemingway) I've been in all sorts of wedding gowns; I've been thinking too, that when the time comes for me to get married, god forbid, I'll probably walk down the aisle in jeans and a tank top, having been desensitized to the exclusivity of wedding gowns.

No wedding gown runway photos I apologize. Even I was stalking the photographers like mad on Facebook, waiting for them to post photos up, to no avail. Its hard to know whether you've done a good job or not with no feedback.

The night we kidnapped Jungle Boi

Photo's from the night we bagged Phillers at the carpark, shoved him in the car, beat him up and made him drink six cans of beer where he ended up rolling on the floor delirious and confused. I had to make him a top out of garbage bags so he could go home. Birthdays are always fun.

Okay, I lied. I have one photo, I took one right before the battery died.

“It is so hard to leave — until you leave.
And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”
- John Green

PS: I need to get my hands on books. I'm waiting on the holidays to finally pick up John Green and Ernest Hemingway. For now... assignments.

Follieee!

2011-05-13T11:42:00.000-07:00

There is a lack of appreciation for passion anymore.

If that's not passion I don't know what is...

I'm currently in a dilemma. I've been offered the chance to shoot this reality modeling show, only it takes place in Singapore. And it starts during August till September, which means I can't take class for that month. But I don't want to defer, I want to get my degree done and over with ASAP. And its not like Ford Supermodel where I was filming during the day and going to class then running back to do the tasks anymore, this is in Singapore where I won't be able to drive around whenever I like.

I really want to do the show and I really want to do my next semester- Don't tell me to deter because that's not even in my books right now. =/

Is there a way I can shoot the show yet still hand up all my assignments? I'm totally more than capable of that y'know? Its practically what I'm doing now.

So how now brown cow?

Spiffy.

2011-05-11T08:53:00.000-07:00

I keep thinking I shouldn't keep using all these glamorous shots of me on the runway as profile pictures.

Because when people see me in real life they might just die. Hahahaha. You should be very aware of the amount of makeup, the expensive professional cameras, the existence of photoshop, the expensive designer clothing, all to make you look good for that one shot. That said I love all those shots!

On the runway for Keith Kee Couture

I've been in a foul mood, I've been all over the place. I've been trying to get my shit together. Trying to organize my life in a tiny tweedly book; I think I'm only allowed to make a few mistakes. But nobody forgives mistakes, nobody forgets mistakes, you can win a million times over but they'll only remember that one time you fell.

Pardon my angst, I don't mean to be. I think I'm too old for angst anyway, its quite tasteless to be so angsty in public. But this is my space; biggest regret of the day- letting everything get to me.

Fireblowing on the birthday itself.

"If two people love each other there can be no happy end to it. "
-Ernest Hemingway, still infatuated with his life.

PS: Another Keith Kee show on Sunday! More shows the rest of the month but even I forget who the designers are. =S

PPS: Left all my bracelets backstage last week. My arms feel too damn bare. :(

Help, I'm alive.

2011-05-08T14:28:00.000-07:00

Birthday was insane.

I think I'm in love with everyone. Everyone is so brilliant. I got things money can't buy, who else gets to wear Keith Kee couture on their birthday? I just, I try to remind myself that everything in life is ultimately good.

Passed the birthday with awesome friends and vodka so bad it feels like you got punched at the back of your throat every time you take a sip. Its this awesomely invisible feeling, like nobody can ever pull you down. There were some pretty crap moments, but those people don't matter, anybody that tries to hurt you don't matter.

At Laundry Bar after the show.

Me, Waf and Veron.

Me, Waf, Veron and Fire

Don't get sick of us.

With the boys.

With Fire.

Me and my 1 litre bottle of Spritzer.

Slutty top and 5 inch heels.

Jun's gift. :)

Help I'm alive- Metric

"If you're still alive my regrets are few,
If my life is mine what shouldn't I do?"
- Metric, beyond words.

PS: Like a punch to the face. =/ When you genuinely need help and the people around you don't believe you. But pain is individualistic and its my own. So you lick your own wounds and get over it.

Needles or thread?

2011-05-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

My rehearsals ended at 3am last night.

And I had to wake up at 9am to send the brother to tuition, fetch him back at 11:30am. Pick up his food and bag and get him ready for school. I feel like a surrogate mom, and the kid doesn't even like me.

And nobody bought me lunch! :(

You should know that I can't be half-arsed to cook. I CAN cook, I can whip up the best plate of pork ribs you've ever tasted, but I can't be bothered with cleaning. And if I'm cooking, there's a 150% chance of a spill occurring at some point.

In other updates, I bought a camera. I spent a lot more on it than I initially intended, was supposed to buy the GF-2 but when I went and played with it I found it really stupid. Its tiny and there are waaaaay too many buttons and the video sucks because the body is so small and when you try and focus- argh, its just not ergonomic okay?

So I ended up buying the 600D and the extra money came from my own pocket. *dies* But I knew I wasn't going to regret a DSLR- though whenever someone says "Isn't that an entry level cam?" I come pretty close to gauging their eyeballs out with the camera lens. Sorry I can't buy a better cam, why don't you buy me one? Plus "Entry level" just sounds nasty, like "NoOb" and I imagine it in alternate big and small caps as well.

Sample shots:

Wen before his Muay Thai

Back kitchen door Bailey!

Random sketch last night in the library *edited*

Campus in miniature mode.

Me and Jun in Wong Kok

After Carven Ong in One Utama with the boys.

Christian Dior Haute Couture Spring/Summer 2011
- Inspiration for my Keith Kee Couture walk later. 4:10 and 13:50 mark, mindblowinggggg. (I used 4:10- Remember the Andy Yap shot?)

"Widow bird, lead the wind,
Take out cries, make it sing,
Broken clocks, still here you ring,
Our time."
- Amanda Jenssen, the runway song

PS: Show starts at One Utama, 7pm tonight. I'll be in the Keith Kee show, all black gowns with dramatic hats.

Backstage.

2011-05-04T21:40:00.000-07:00

Just a short update because I have no time.

Story of my life seriously. Sometimes you do something, and they tell you to do another thing, and even though you do it you're still wrong. And then you go backstage and they call out "Sheena, come here..." and you know you've done something wrong. You just know it.

Could be something as trivial as accidentally dropping the dress on the floor and the designer taking offense, could be something like you posing too long, or not posing long enough, could be you pursing your lips at the end of the runway or lifting your feet too high or any number or other trivial things.

You're still wrong. :( Rehearsals tonight at OneU for a big show tomorrow. Come catch it, should be 7pm - 8pm.

Cuckoo-Kachoo!

2011-04-26T07:33:00.000-07:00

When I have free time I can't get anything done.

I haven't done a show in almost two weeks, that will change tomorrow of course and I will have a short surge of incoming jobs that I hope will keep up and gain momentum rather than screech to a halt.

I've been sitting in front of the computer trying to type out comprehensible sentences to finish my assignments but nothing comes out. "There is nothing to write about, just sit in front of the typewriter and bleed." That's from Ernest Hemingway of course which I have no time to read just insert pretentious quotes.

I work best under pressure I think and I definitely like being hectic over having too much free time. When I don't HAVE to wake up at 8am I let myself go and then my biological clock gets messed up and pretty soon I'm sleeping at 8am and waking up at 3pm and when I get back into routine everything is still messed up and... well... its not fun.

I walked into the wrong casting the other day, went to the wrong casting house, out of breath and said "I'm here for the casting [?]" and they were like "This way." Snap snap. Read out lines. Realized I was casting for the totally wrong product. Went like "Hey... This isn't the xxx casting?"
"No. This is xx cereal." -.-

So I gave him the -.- face back. And he gave me the -.- face again and it pretty much went on like -.- ping pong.

Okay. I'm rambling now. Mainly because its 3am in the morning, got a Keith Kee show and a Khoon Hooi casting tomorrow plus got to pick up my new camera after that. If you don't follow Malaysia's fashion scene you'd think I'm speaking gibberish but Khoon Hooi is pretty much king so I've got my fingers crossed.

Photos from Andy Yap shoot is out. I would have kept the leopard coat if I could. ;) All shot by Alexio Yeoh. All shot in my bedroom. No seriously.

"I can't do well when I think you're gonna leave me, but I know I try
Are you gonna leave me now?
Can't you be believing now?"
-Empire of the Sun, album on repeat. Nonstop.

PS: I suddenly have the urge to spend my paycheck on a pair of roller blades. =/ The university corridors at night are shouting my name. Lol.

Sketch.

2011-04-19T03:40:00.000-07:00

So I was in my cousin's house staring at her scanner thinking "What a nifty little gadget." when I decided to scan my notebook, just the pages that mattered really. Its mostly crap drawings and sketches but you can tell which lectures are the most boring based on how much I sketch in them. Some pages I omitted due to er, I don't know, I don't really draw with facades so some drawings can get pretty personal.

So I didn't buy a Moleskine, but I bought a Monolouge, which costs a fraction of a Moleskine AND has thicker water color pages so I can use my felt tip pens. So yeaah, take that comformity! *pelvic thrust*

And on other little updates, I finished my News Design assignment in 6 hours high on oxygen ZOMG.

Lookbook entry! Carven Ong one.

"Too busy- lifeless,

too free- lifeless,

I can't win."

PS: I got rashes from playing too much Call of Duty. Only because the local Cyber Cafe has highly questionable hygiene standards and seats that look like people have gone "fap-fap" on. Calling a boycott on Gamer's Concept please.

PPS: Also been reading a lot about Ernest Hemingway but can't find a single book of his. He seems a pretty cool guy. Blew his brains out with a pistol, if that ain't balls I don't know what is...

PPPS: Also promised batik photos but I don't find the point anymore because I didn't get to meet Phua Chu Kang. Who cares about intricate beading!?

PPPPS: Just because I can. ;)

NZT48

2011-04-13T22:52:00.000-07:00

I feel as if my brain is drained.

I spent yesterday sitting in the dessert bar in front of the library trying to write a 2.5 thousand word essay on analyzing news in broadcast, radio and print. Honestly I've run out of adjectives to describe the tone of someone's voice; how many damned ways can there be to describe a neutral tone? ALL NEWS PRESENTERS ARE RELATIVELY EXPRESSIONLESS!!!

Because this summarizes me and Ugly Phillers relationship so well.

Also had an emotional breakdown in front of Subway the other day; just sat outside Starbucks and soaked through all my notes. Worst day ever, knocked some lady's car, showed up late for my show, got yelled at and my pay completely cut, on top of that parking cost me RM20 and I didn't get to meet Phua Chu Kang. :(((((

Oh life. Also currently very pissed off with all the "Real women have curves" propaganda going on. SO I'M NOT A GIRL LAH?!

I know society tends to bend in favor to skinny girls but its ironic how in your strife to make other girls feel accepted you've created some other standard for women to live up to. Real women can be whatever shape/skintone they want to be, so screw you and your idealistic standards for people.

One of those weeks where you'd gladly drown yourself in the tub.

Lookbook! I love Nicholas Chin!

“I love sleep.
My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?”
-Ernest Hemingway

PS: Okay. Batik runway photos soon. I solemnly swear.

Carven Ong Academy Runway

2011-04-09T11:05:00.000-07:00

Photo heavy post.

There's so many photos my phone hasn't stop ringing from all the Facebook notifications since yesterday. The hectic schedule last week has been such a downer, rushing from class to castings to hair and makeup then shoots. I thought life was hectic last year, but I've barely time to breath this year.

I had a Vietnam flashback in Journalism Ethics class when they were talking about Beyonce being digitally enhanced to be fairer. Got all riled up and ready to debate "So you think only fair girls are pretty lah?!?" But was held back. Ugh. Haha. I feel like I haven't been involved in lessons for ages. Skipping class tomorrow for a Batik Show but will be meeting Phua Chu Kang!

Carven Ong Academy Show

Pardon the constant camwhoring these days. I just love the makeup.

Me and Josephine camwhoring in the public toilet, so glam!

Male models, Zack and William (Who was on the cover of Mens Health.)

Backstage photos. Everyone has contrasting eyeshadow!

Super scary runway in Sungei Wang with nothing but staircases.

Super complicated choreography as well. Lol.
Kim, Me and Wafa. First outfits. With Gwen and Tracy now.
Dresses hanging backstage.
Couple outfits, Kim and Zack

Gwen and William
Last outfits, barely got to camwhore with the outfits in the middle because we were rushing like mad. We said to do crazy faces but Reiko and Kim tak layan. Lol.

After last catwalk and before the finale.

With Benjamin Toong, our runway guru.

All in all, one of the funnest shows I've done. Great makeup artists, amazing designers, the oddest shaped runway and the ACA girls. :) Takes a good runway show like this to remind me why I keep doing what I do.

If you haven't seen it, best rendition of Rebecca Black's Friday yet. Lol.

"Its funny. Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."
- Cather in the Rye, pg 214

PS: My baby brother turns 7yrs old today and my older brother turns 23. :) I had to rush home with an ice-cream cake bouncing up and down in the backseat.

Little Lucy, Looney Tunes

2011-04-07T20:55:00.000-07:00

Brief moment to update.

Photo and photos, but what are words for anyway?

Fun video shoot with a bunch of film students from UCSI, clothing by Andy Yap. I only wish I was bigger to fit the clothes the way he intended them too. If you haven't noticed, I'm not very big, I'm tall yes but my frame is petite- almost skeletal. Andy Yap's clothing are fantastic though, reminds me why I keep doing this, the opportunity to wear marvelous creations.

Only brief snippets where I had the chance to camwhore between takes. But I'll have the raw videos- thanks to my powerful resourcing skills, I'll be using the same film for my film assignment. They call it cheating, but I call it getting by any way I can. Since I've been missing classes anyway. O.o

Noah and the Whale- L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N

"L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.
What you don't have now will come back again
You've got heart and you go in your own way."

PS: Going into hair and makeup in four hours time. I think I should at least try to finish my assignment, or... watch the Misadventures of Flapjack on TV. Hmmmmmmm.

Procrastination 101

2011-04-02T23:07:00.000-07:00

I've made a vow not to accept anymore jobs this week.

Been going non-stop since Thursday- class, casting, rock modelling at Aca, Friday- Foxy Originals jewelry show, classes then photoshoot at night, Saturday- Runway at PWTC, wanted to go for the STYLO event but ended up going out with mom instead. And today I have some drama shoot thing at Aca but it doesn't start till night so I'm using this precious time to do my assignments [???]

Kim, Josephine, me and Wafa at Foxy Originals.

VIP group pictures.

Hahahahaa. I'm such a procrastinator. But I solemnly swear to use all the time I have from Monday (aside from classes) to Thurday night to do my Reporting for Media assignment. Then its the Jaspal runway show (Only as a guest not a model) rehearsal for Carven Ong show then Carven Ong show on Friday. Shooting my portfolio on Saturday too. :)

I'm not exhausted, just glad I'm more productive. I'd rather be working non-stop than to stone.

Pardon lack of makeup, trying to take picture of hair which now has the consistency of wool thanks to hot ironing it non-stop.

"You're going to catch a cold,
From all that ice in your soul."

PS: Hair is also completely burnt off due to multiple times of subjecting it to irons.

Time Management

2011-03-31T10:19:00.000-07:00

One thing I seem to have lost during the holidays besides a sane sleeping pattern is my time management abilities.

It wasn't like I wasn't juggling classes, assignments, modeling, friends and other careers advances during the last sem. Its just that I've lost my ability to keep up with it. I keep double booking myself, agree-ing to do a job, then remembering I've already another job or promising to attend a birthday party and forgetting I have fitting on that day.

Camwhoring during NDPW, say goodbye to my turquoise nails, got a jewelry show on Friday, not allowed to have nail polish. :(

The worst part is when I forget who owes me money and for what. Which company did I do a runway show for, who I'm supposed to claim my cheque from. I've only started writing down in my Moleskine rip-off notebook all the crucial details. Lol.

Yes, I have a Moleskine rip-off. Its called a Monolouge and it costs a fraction of what a Moleskine does but has even thicker watercolor quality paper. Boo you conformists!

LookBook post! As promised! Click for details. Mwa.

"She spoke words that would melt in your hands,
She spoke words of wisdom."
- Two Door Cinema Club

PS: Chased Bailey around the living room just now. The moment I caught her she squealed and peed across half the living room floor. -.-

Drowning

2011-03-28T08:47:00.001-07:00

I don't think I'll ever get over being angsty.

They say teenagers are full of them, angst and resentment. I'm not a very easy person to please, even I don't know what I want out of life or even worse, what to expect out of life. I think I have too many dreams and ideals about how life should be, and know that neither of them are realistic.

I used to be so much more self-assured about who I am, I used to have a proper goal and identity of who I was and what I was going to do in life. When I was twelve, I wrote in my diary "I am never going to live a boring life." and thrust myself head-first into everything I did. I think I was so much more confident as a teen than I am now at the verge of adulthood. Where I was self-assured I knew everything I now know that I know nothing.

I think I'm a very closed up person.

I do not like to let people know how I truly feel.

Or how badly I want something.

I don't like to ask for help.

I wish I was able to do everything myself sometimes.

But I am drowning.

MGMT

2011-03-26T01:20:00.000-07:00

Wicked awesome!

Although I must say I probably was the only one who enjoyed it. The rest were raring to go, didn't even want to stay for the encore. I was bouncing up and down at the back begging them to stay longer.

I saw a tweet that probably summarized the whole concert though "MGMT has no stage presence, just full on music nerds." Which was true, barely any interaction with us really, crowd was rowdy too, guy next to me keep puffing cigarettes in my face. I smoked the equivalent of twelve cigarettes in second hand smoke standing next to him.

Owell. I only for the time being have photos we took outside because my camera started going wonky in the dark and refused to focus. Result of dropping it one too many times? I think so too.

Me and the boys.

Suzuki's shirt. Lol.

Brought my indian headdress along.

Jasmine <3

Wei Jun.

Outfit shot! Lol. But outfit post later, I promise.

And finally, my only shot of the band because my camera started acting up indoors.

Baby bird my mom found in the garden yesterday! Bad pic coz it looked pretty terrified and I didn't want to stress out.

"Only a shadow, only a shadow,
Only a shadow, but she looked like you."
-The Cleaners from Venus

PS: Also watched Black Swan yesterday with Jin Rui and Niesha, was so mindblowing we lay on the living room floor and stoned for hours after.

Tingling Spine

2011-03-24T07:29:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep.

In less than 24 hours. I will be seeing MGMT.

LIVE.

Going to dance my feet to stumps.

Contemplating wearing wedges just so I can see the show from wherever I choose to stand :{

Flash Deliriummmm.

Ooooh girl, shock me like an electric feel.

The Lady of Shalott

2011-03-18T23:09:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else having internet problems?

Because it took me 3 days and a variety of different computers to edit the last post. Streamyx has almost come to a standstill, TMNet is blaming it on the earthquake in Japan but I really think its all conspiracy to force all of us to subscribe to Unifi. (Pretty rich considering I worked as a TMNet Ambassador O.o)

Godiva Macaroons- Being RM15 for two you'd think they'd taste fantastic.

Tell the truth, they were some pretty crappy macaroons. Boo Godiva. Boo.

Anyways, I've been having an extra productive time. Finished both my Journalism Ethics and New Design assignment, I've been staying in the library till closing time almost-daily, to leach off the internet and also because I'm too poor to buy a Mac.

We have this assignment in Digital Storytelling that's left me stumped. Its a self-narrated story about our lives and besides being self-indulgence of the highest level, I really have nothing to talk about my life. Life events are either too mundane or too private to share, and the deadline is next week. =S

Today has been a good day though, on top of having fantastic laksa for dinner and finishing both assignments. I found out the guy me and Carmen have been stalking, creatively dubbed: Moustache boy, because... wait for it... he has a moustache, has a twin. Fantastic, I want the one with more facial hair and she wants the one thats in our class but I think the one in our class has more facial hair. O.o

Also had a fantastic parking spot right on the roundabout so I didn't have to walk through mud and rain and cow poop. Ah, good times, good times.

Here is a photo of me freezing my ass off in the library courtesy of photobooth.

"And maybe then you'll hear the words I'm singing,
Funny when you're dead how people start listening."
- The Band Perry

PS: Can anyone teach me to toilet train Bailey? I love her but I wish she'd stop pee-ing herself so I can cuddle her.

Lights will guide you home...

2011-03-13T07:51:00.000-07:00

Hello audience in my almost-dead blog.

Haha. I get very lazy and I don't know what else to do sometimes. Worked in an Armani Exchange event in front of Pavilion today. Feet look grossly mutilated from standing 6 hours straight in 6 inch heels. But the DJ they hired was so good, it made the girls dance. I was dancing, the doormen in front of Coach was dancing, the people were bobbing their heads. Ah, music. Contemplated posting up a pic of my feet for the gore lovers out there but am afraid will scare away the remaining 5 readers I have left. Hahaha.

To compensate, here are some photos I took with the guys- Phil, Wei Jun and Nick after his birthday dinner. Its nice to have brilliant photographer friends. Nicholas is the official photographer at Laundry Bar and runs a fantastic blog at http://www.nicholaschinphotos.com/.

All taken around HELP College at 2am in the morning, non-alcohol induced. Haha. I omitted the vertical photographs cause it doesn't agree with my OCD tendencies. (Photo's should be of similar height and length!) That said- I love you guys. :))

BOO!

"You sit there in your heartache,
Waiting on some beautiful boy to,
Save you from your own ways."
-The Killers.

PS: Haha. Okay I lied. Goodbye blogreadership!

Chanel No.5

2011-03-04T06:31:00.000-08:00

Been going through a lot of short films lately which led me to watching a lot of perfume comercials.

Perfume comercials tend to have to be more creative because they can't sell a scent through sight, but they can potray a brand name or a lifestyle. Some perfume comercials don't really make sense but are just beautiful visuals of beautiful people in beautiful places. Read: Gucci by Gucci and Light Blue by Dolce and Gabbana.

But my favorite of all are the Chanel No.5 comercials. The directors are brilliant, give them two minutes and they create the most stunning romance stories ever. To me, Nicole Kidman's is the best; the soundtrack is Debussy's Claire De Lune. (Before Twillight ruined it =/)

Nicole Kidman

Audrey Tatou

Estella Warren

Feeling so inspired right now. I think my next project will be to film a video editorial.

Old but I've yet to post it up. I tend to sit around sketching girls like these when I'm up in the late night but rarely do I ever finish them and color them like this.

"I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour,
But heaven knows I'm miserable now."
- The Smiths

PS: I think I'm addicted to Laser Tag in Midvalley nao.

Me, my pappy, and his lemonade.

2011-03-02T01:01:00.000-08:00

Temporary lapse in updates as college has officially started. (And also because I lost my camera cable.) I did a few pretty cool runway shows and have lots of photos to share but I can't get them out of my camera now.

Eyelid infection ate my double eyelids. -__-

I'm also suffering from eyelid infection on one of my eyes so I've been going through daily tasks with a permanent O.o face. I've been drawing one eyeliner thicker than the other to balance out my eyes. Strangely though, the swollen eye carries makeup better than the normal one, especially smokey eyes. Its been a week though, so I'm almost fully recovered.

I also made the mistake of dyeing my hair too dark. I used Liese bubble hair color, in Dark Chocolate and according to the box it wouldn't get this dark. But my hair is really malleable, if we were talking my hair in a human context it would be the douche that always succumbs to peer pressure. Lol.

The last time I tried to dye my hair chestnut, it came out blonde. I tried to dye it back to brown but it came out red. So I tried to dye my hair dark brown, it came out almost black. =.= I don't think I like it too much but I've got to give my hair a break, I've been doing hair shows and stressing out my hair lots. Letting it have a breather before I dye it caramel again least it decides to "memberontak" and fall off.

Meen turned 20!

We were hysterical. =/

Photo on fb that drove me to dye my hair brown. Black roots = ugh.

"Seduced by the lie of butterflies.
How they shimmer, how they glimmer,
Those butterflies."
- Coco Rosie, Lemonade

PS: Watching Mike Rowe sticking his arm up a cows bum-bum on "Dirty Jobs". I would totally marry Mike Rowe. Lol.

Moleskine.

2011-02-22T11:04:00.000-08:00

Why are Moleskins so expensive?

I. Crave.

So I pretty much have OCD for text and fonts and backgrounds and it stems from my OCD with exercise books when I was younger. I hated books with narrow lines, I always got upset halfway through and stopped doing homework altogether.

When I got to highschool I started using only widely lined notepads. At least 1cm, else I wouldn't/couldn't write. But eventually I abandoned the restrictive force of lines altogether.

People are too obsessed with neatness, straight clear writing. I have a natural ability to write in a straight line without lines, I just chose not to. Neatness is overrated, I work best in organized mess.

Notes throughout my first year in degree.

"Who in the world do you think that I am?
I guess that depends on who you believe."
- Simone White

PS: One of my best Christmas presents to date is a large black sketch book with thin cream colored paper. Cream colored paper is <3.>

CellAct: The Answer to Beautiful skin

2011-02-19T03:37:00.000-08:00

CellAct Product Review

I don't really have a skin care regime.

Boo! We have more fun backstage than we do on the runway.

I don't have skin thats prone to acne or pimples so I take that for granted a lot. Most of the time I don't even remove my makeup and jump into bed. Unless I've been doing a show and the makeup is packed on like icing on a cupcake, then I'd go through the trouble of removing but even then, more so my pillow case won't be dirty than for the sake of my skin. :{

Me and Jen then me and Veronica. Mirrors girls ftw!

But part of my prize from Mirrors is products from CellAct. And we're talking RM3k++ worth of products, so I've been having the time and liberty of testing each and every product I got.

Fruity Fresh Hydration Set

From left:
Fruity Fresh Hydrating Gel Mask
Mango Hydrating Gel
Strawberry Nourishing Gel
Berries Astringent Toner
Apple Mousse Cleanser

The hamper I got was spot on as I think the reason I don't have pimples is because my skin is quite dry. However this line is suited to all skin types, especially teenagers.

Apple Mousse Cleanser

Although it says apple and smells delightfully like apples, according to the website it actually has cucumber fresh cells which is well known for its healing properties. Its light and foamy and doesn't dry out the skin like some cleansers do. I prefer foam cleansers because they're less harsh on the skin, at our age, I think we should be more delicate with our skin.

Berries Astringent Toner

I've never used toner my whole life. Lol. I usually don't like toners as some of them can feel quite "spicy" on the skin but not this toner. Although there was a slight tingle it receded fast and leaves you feeling fresh after. According to the box it stimulates skin cell respiration and naturally tightens the pores. This is good to use if you're tired because I can never sleep after using it. Lol. Makes me feel awake.

Mango Hydrating Gel

Now this product I really like, I always use powder foundation which can really dry out the skin. Now I always put on a layer of Mango Hydrating Gel (Which smells divine.) before applying my makeup. Helps the makeup to set and also keeps my skin from drying out.

I even gave a bottle of this to Jasmine for Christmas- but I accidentally dropped the box because I was talking on the phone and shattered the bottom. :( The perils of being Sheena.

Strawberry Nourishing Gel

Ethan Sepet Boy and my bottle of Nourishing Gel.

My 7 yr old brother loves this. Haha. After he came back from Bali he had sunburn on both cheeks from the sun and was scratching constantly so I put this on his cheeks. And again it smells sooooo good! It can go on quite sticky at first but when it dries out it doesn't leave any residue and your skin constantly feels like its been freshly washed after.

Fruity Fresh Hydrating Gel Mask

This doesn't really have any scent. Its a thick creamy mask you're supposed to apply once or twice a week, leave on for 15 - 20 minutes then wash off. I like to use this is the bath, run a bubble bath, listen to podcasts from "How Stuff Works", apply the mask and relax. Leaves skin nicely moisturized. :)

CellAct Hamper!

Inside CellAct Hamper! RM3k CellAct Voucher O.o

Thats it for my skincare review. My first too, I admit I've never heard of CellAct before Mirrors but not bad, not bad at all. I have plenty of CellAct products I've yet to redeem and I won't be able to use them all. I have doubles of everything too, so if any of you fancy trying out the products. Leave me a comment. ;)

Live fast, die young

2011-02-18T22:11:00.000-08:00

All taken (stolen from) by Philip Rom.

I been having a bit more of a night life this week.

I can't sleep at night, it doesn't feel natural to me- as much as I love mornings. Usually I'd stone around, playing the guitar, watching TV, sketching then force myself into bed completely restless.

People are a driving force in my life.

Bailey back when she was healing from splayed legs. Aw. I miss when she fit in my palm.

"Being nice to someone you dislike doesn't mean you're a fake.
It means you are mature enough to tolerate your dislike towards them."

PS: Bali photos coming round as well as some runway backstage craziness.

Goodbye Bali.

2011-02-16T10:43:00.000-08:00

First of all, thanks a lot for all the comments on my previous post.

Sometimes its nice to know there are still people out there reaching out. And its not just me ranting my silly self out to myself and nobody really gives half a damn about how I feel.

I've always been a writer at heart, I should embrace situations such as these. Lol. And I apologize for the lack of usual senseless quirky updates and my angsty demeanor lately.

My trip to Bali was much needed. Bali is beautiful, I just regret not having the chance to surf or do more water sports. I've this fantastic tan if you chose to ignore the horrible tan lines my bikini left. I've this "V" on my chest now, not very appealing paired with tube or spaghetti straps.

I got swept off my feet literally at Tanah Lot [?] I was standing on these jagged rocks posing for my brother and his camera when a huge wave snuck up and knocked me flat on the rocks. Panicked as the water started pulling me back into the sea, was looking my mom straight in the face screaming as she laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. (Which it probably is when its not happening to you.)

Grabbed at the sharp rocks with my hands and cut them, when I stood up I cut both knees, feet, palms, and also scratched my entire right thigh on the rocks. Thankfully they weren't deep and healed fast. My legs are my only asset. O.o

Photos soon. I promise. (Again.)

Did the coolest runway show ever. I love my afro and I'm never going straight!

"I'm a curse and i'm a sound,
When I open up my mouth,
There's a reason I don't win,
I don't know how to begin."
- Weekend Wars, MGMT
Running through my head. I can't wait to see them live!

PS: I want to buy a ukelele so bad. Where can I find good (cheap) ones?

Dull.

2011-02-11T10:16:00.001-08:00

Detachment is like detoxifying.

You're supposed to maintain a pure vegetarian diet but then the lack of meat makes you mad and aggressive. (I don't know about you guys, but I get pretty scary when I'm off meat for too long.) I get frustrated and I get angry. So then you binge. And you get even more upset.

I had a scare. I saw a photo of a dog on the newspapers that was abandoned that looked like Angel; called and called and it turned out it wasn't Angel after all. I don't think I can take much more of this. I want my dog back...

Its turned into this dull ache. Like you're not sad enough to cry but you're sad. Maybe people don't get it because...

I've been with Angel for 10 years. She's been my best friend from the start. Dogs are the stupidest creatures on earth, they're desperate and all they want to do is please you. All they do all day is wait for you to come out and play with them, some days you don't cause you're busy. But they wait.

Once when I was 12, I was at the park with my cousins when I fell down. My knee was gashed pretty bad and my aunt had to fetch me home first. My cousins were walking back with Angel when she realized I wasn't there and she ran all the way back to the park to find me. My mom had to drive out to the park to fetch Angel back. And I just sat there thinking "Stupid dog. Don't know how to come back."

I've always dreaded Angel dying because I knew it was approaching but this is ten times worst. I don't know where she is. I don't know whether she's safe, I don't know whether someone has taken her, I don't know whether she's lost or whether she's been run over by some truck,

I don't know where she is.

PS: And I'm crying so hard I'm going to wake up tomorrow with a swollen face that will last throughout the day. Maybe I shouldn't have blogged.

Rant.

2011-01-31T10:59:00.000-08:00

I'm a Buddhist on paper.

Its in my I.C but not by practice, I've always been an Atheist or an Agnostic [?] Which one is the one that believes there's a god out there but can't decide which one? Either way, I'm that one. I believe in a higher power but not a religion.

But I've been reading up on Buddhism a lot. And one of their practices is to detach, detach yourself from material goods, things, money, people [?] cause apparently thats the only way to be truly happy.

I get that, things don't last, you don't keep them after you die. People, they let you down, they change, you change, we're all in a flux, we're all in a mess, we don't know what we're doing. Then what is life for? Helping other people? Then you get attached to them and defeat everything you worked for.

I don't get the point of living sometimes. Maybe I'm secretly a nihilist, behind closed doors. Its hard to mantain a facade-talk about shallow things, stupid things that don't benefit anybody. Sometimes I feel like confronting things, situations, people I'd, in any other sane frame of mind choose to ignore.

If you hate me so much, why do you keep reading my blog? Like my feed doesn't tell me who you are. Practically everyone you bitch about me to, comes up to me and tells me what a bitch you are. But you do what you want, I'm choosing to ignore you.

I'm so detached from this kind of high-school rumor spreading, and I didn't even want to honor you with a mention. You can live your wannabe Gossip Girl life by yourself, I just want you to know, I know who you are and I know what you're saying.

And I totally don't know how a blog post that started out discussing religion ended up here. (Disgusting, I know.) But as an advice for highschool girls who read my blog, stay out of the drama, if a person had a valid problem with you they'd confront you and you could discuss it. If not, all they can do is talk behind your back.

I hence declare this space clear of petty useless things in the future.

3:59AM

2011-01-27T10:38:00.000-08:00

I just made my own dinner. :{

A can of tuna, mayonaise, an onion, cucumber, tomatoes and lettuce. Just a tuna salad cause I wasn't in the mood to mess the kitchen up. Plus its two in the morning and my family is sleeping, can't risk burning the house down.

So I brought my salad out to the living room, turned the TV on and died of shame. Whats with the kids on Junior Masterchef? I wasn't even allowed near a knife when I was eight, let alone a stove. Woah, but nine-ten year olds cooking food like that. I want a kid like that.

Something I made for Michelle

\

Front

Inside

Back

Only my second time making pencil boxes but I'm so glad at how neat it turned out. Made of canvas and lined with floral material, the birds (Swallows, Michelle's favorite.) are handstitched with felt and floral prints then fabric-glued onto the canvas.

I've been spending a lot of time in front of the sewing machine lately, I just finished hemming this circle skirt but I'm not too sure whether to attach it to a top and make a dress or just let it be. Oh well, photo's when I'm done! :)

Syok sendiri-ing. My skin can go from super dark to super fair. =/

"So I've come to this final conclusion,
I will not wait around,
For you to break my heart again."
- The Pierces, I'll be dreaming.
Old, but always good.

PS: Grey's Anatomy is so drama-rama. I don't think I could ever be a doctor, so much death and disease, sadness. I'd die.

Oracular Spectacular

2011-01-23T10:58:00.000-08:00

I've been surviving on less than 5 hours of sleep.

A fantasy makeup show I did for ATP about two weeks back.

I finished half a bottle of makeup remover on this one. Lol.

Had a super hectic day, worked at the Future of Success Seminar, met all sorts of characters. Young teens all wondering where they'd end up; terrible, because even I myself am not sure what to do with my life. Lol. I know I'm in Mass Communications, but even then I don't know whether I want to work in Public Relations or not.

Tomorrow will be equally hectic, I'm supposed to leave for Port Dickson in the morning with the college mates but I can't. Because I have class at ACA, on any other day I'd skip but this is one class I've been looking forward to, the one class I feel I really need- Drama catwalk. I've been winging it by myself so far, but I really want to see this. :{

So Wei Wen will be staying back and after class ends at 7:30pm, I'll jump straight into his car and head for Port Dickson to join the rest. Supposed to pack now but thought I'd update first, should be light and easy- shorts, light tops, bikinis, flip-flops.

Can't wait to go beaching!

Just a sketch of some stuff in my wardrobe, I was doodling thinking of how to match stuff to bring to Australia. Wasn't meant to be colored.

"There people fail to realise that it is on the inside that God must be defended, not on the outside."
- Yann Martel, Life of Pi
Our government fails to realize this, you can't ban muslims from serving beer. I think ones relationship with God is a very personal private thing.

PS: You know those times when you buy dresses, only those dresses were made for tiny chicks so it look like you're not wearing pants [?] Yeah. Me neither.

Inane Frivolities

2011-01-21T11:09:00.000-08:00

What's up with TV programs nowadays?

I don't know but I'm starting to find TV too stupid to watch, does anyone else find "True Beauty" and "The Bachelorette" a waste of time? I barely have time to watch ANTM anymore, but its probably the only reality show I bother to follow.

Most of the time at night I watch the learning chanels, "How do they do it?", "Factory Made", "Dirty Jobs", "Mythbusters". I personally like "Monsters inside of me" only now I start to think I have parasites inside every single blemish that appears on my skin. Lol.

Same goes for radio; I hardly listen to Fly.FM and Hits.FM anymore. I'd rather listen to BFM, politics, current issues and especially when they have health specialists on. If not the radio is usually sync-ed to my iPod, during my long drives to and from college I blast my music loud, then get lost in it. The only way I've survived driving from Kajang to Damansara daily is by stoning through.

I think I'm growing old. O.o

Batch 4 Amber Chia Academy girls! Carmen, Gwen, Me, Amanda, Jennifer, Veron and Josephine.

Jodi Benson, the voice of Ariel from The Little Mermaid, is also the voice of Barbie in Toy Story 2 & 3.
-Heh. I'm addicted to OMGfacts.

PS: Do you want to sign with Amber Chia Academy? I'll be at Sunway University from 1pm-6pm for some education fair, come sign up, its fun! We're like family there.

First Magazine Cover!

2011-01-14T04:46:00.000-08:00

Taken with the Dell's webcam. I can't help the quality. Lol.

Uncle Ken sneaked us a free preview and I'm loving the photos.

Although I'm not really happy with my interview- I don't know why but they altered what I said grammatically and content-wise. So it came off as a bit stupid, I thought. But who reads interviews anyway? Its not like anyone really cares who I am :{ (Because a moustache emoticon makes all self-deprecating sentences better. Rofl)

Better quality photos: All taken from Jin

Cover shot. Gwen, Veron and me!

Photo's accompanying the interview.

Haha. Everyone likes this shot. I was arching my back like mad, trying to mantain my balance and my face came out angry. X)

This wasn't part of the photoshoot. This was taken when I was playing around but they used it for the interview anyway. Lol.

As usual, I'm going to blame my lack of updates on my busy lifestyle. Which isn't entirely true, I have pockets of time here and there which I choose to fill up with gaming rather than blogging. Lol. COD is a very stressful game, don't play it with the boys. (Who actually know how to play it.)

I've also my modeling stuff, the usual- classes at Amber Chia Academy and running aroud on go-sees, wardrobe fittings, catwalk stuff. I've a fitting early in the morning tomorrow then a makeup show at Sungei Wang at 7pm [?] (Come, I'm going to be a lantern, it'll be fantastic.) then I'm supposed to go catch all the seniors from ACA at the Keith Kee show on Sunday and I'm walking in another show on Wednesday at Tropicana Club. =/ Busy busy.

Old sketch. Experimenting with textures.

"They say the defination of insanity
is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results."
- Bones
Only show worth watching at night. Meh.

PS: I have an ulcer from biting myself. In the same spot. Three times in a row. But no those were accidents, I'm completely sane. :{

Tumblr.

2011-01-09T09:04:00.000-08:00

Tumblr-ing is addictive.

Its like scrapbooking, just in digital form- at least it is for me. And somedays when you've just had the ugliest day filled with ugly event after ugly event and you feel quite hopeless, Tumblr just reminds you that the world is still infinitely beautiful.

A kind of "Don't give up just yet." message for me. Now tell me why do you Tumblr?

Blow up dog.

2011-01-08T03:20:00.001-08:00

Had a few go-sees in KL yesterday; brought Evonne along so we could go Chinese New Year outfit shopping afterwards.

I don't know why but I'm going through a darker phase with my wardrobe. I keep getting navy, dark green, black or grey stuff; I can't get myself to buy bright colors. I can't wait till my Christian evangelist aunts see my New Year wardrobe, I'll be accused of worshipping the devil. They think just because you wear black, you slaughter chickens underneath the full moon to or something equally dodgy.

Evonne brought along her helium balloon dog as a replacement Angel for a day and we walked it all over Pavillion. We even walked into Juicy Couture and asked "Excuse me, is it alright if I bring my dog here?" with our deadpan face. Lol. What a riot. Some guy even asked to take photos of us with our dog.

Angel's replacement.

Us and the replacement Angel in the car.

Evonne super tulan coz I kept camwhoring while she was driving.

Us and Angel's replacement in Forever 21! Lol.

Macaroons from Levain: Cinnamon, Green Tea, Triple Chocolate (Our favoirite!), Raspberry, Pistache and Jasmine.

Bollo: Long time ago. It was Chiko. As teenager we would drive about town together. My father warn us. No drive too fast for there are speed camera on A49 but Chiko crazy. He dangerous. He always say "Please, Bollo. Please let us go faster."
Vince Noir: Yeah, yeah so you chopped his head off right?
Bollo: No, I chopped his feet off. Stopped him pressing accelerator.
- The Mighty Boosh
Lol. I'm so addicted to this spazzy shit.

PS: Doing runway for makeup in Sungei Wang next Saturday (15th) drop by if you can! :)

Life continued.

2011-01-06T08:56:00.000-08:00

I've been up and busy again.

Part of my prize from winning Mirrors is a modelling package with Amber Chia Academy. Its like a real college course, timetables, notes, teachers. I have two hour catwalk sessions with 7 other rickety thin girls teetering on 6 inch heels and classes three days a week.

Its quite fun although tiring, I've only been to two classes. After awhile your ankles are burning like mad and you have to get into this zone where you must still stand straight and balance. The other girls complain about pain in their thighs, but mine stem from the ankles.

Owell. It gives me something to do, besides stone around, eat and sleep.

I know Christmas is long gone but I can safely put the blame on Evonne this time who took so long to upload photos. Oh the burden and responsibilities that come with owning a DSLR~

Evonne, Me and Angeline

Shoes! Nude pumps are mine!

Jin, Suze and Alvin

My gift from Evonne- A sweet gold chain and a screen protector that doubles as a mirror.

Part of the girls. Lol. My arms are twigs but I'm totally digging the dramatic flare sleeves on this dress.

All the girls: Gloria, Cassandra, Evonne, Me, Niesha, Jin, Angeline and Suze.

Love this shot. Haha.

More candid happy shots. :))

We had our Christmas dinner in an italian restaurent called Michelangelo's in Pavillion. All 16 of us highschool mates, including the boyfriends and girlfriends. Exchanged gifts too, I'm missing that part most about Christmas, the feeling like its obligatory to feast together, I can barely ever get all of them in one spot anymore.

Best Christmas gift ever!! Dreamcatcher earrings from Casey, Gloria and Niesha.

"Quand je veux mourir le mercredi matin,
Je me dis ça peut attendre jeudi matin,
Quand je me réveille le matin du jeudi,
J'me dis j'aurais dù mourir mercredi."
- Je ne sais pas choisir, Emily Loizeau
Up and down, round and round, thats life. =/

PS: Yes Angel is still missing. I don't like thinking about it, if there's anything thats sure to make my mood plummet, its thinking about her. =( I don't know. I just want her back.